Grace and Elegance - Where I am Led - part 28 (by Julala)

hmm...grace and elegance...is this a misnomer for qualities seen within D/s and BDSM?

Where does grace and elegance fit?

When we think of BDSM one might conjure images of bruises, sweaty unkempt hair, running makeup, tears, rather un-elegant positions, bulging skin over tight ropes, saliva running from a gagged mouth, snot running from a nose, gaping orifices, root vegetables and foreign objects placed where they weren't indented, humiliation, degradation, and pain.  One only has to do a quick Google search for BDSM images to see plenty of these things.  Where lies the elegance and grace?

When we experience or view sex within this dynamic one might see a preference for the "inner slut" to surface in favour of a graceful little bird.  Does a Dominant wish there to be grace and elegance in the bedroom? or wanton desire and a dirty little girl/boy?

And yet.....throughout D/s....grace and elegance is often revered,  trained, and encouraged.  Whatever your "bent" in this lifestyle there can always be room for grace and elegance although it may be found far from the bedroom or play room.

The most obvious place where grace and elegance might be found is in a submissive's service and manner towards their Dominant.  I have heard this most from those living in a D/s or M/s relationship and it is the style to which I am most accustomed.  Simplicities such as walking, sitting, kneeling, moving with poise and care.  Taking care with even the simplest of tasks....even to the way one hands Master's lunch to Him....with grace and purpose.  Never with complacency or absent-mindedness.  When speaking with Master, with guests, when attending an event, even when a relationship is at a distance or in a virtual world it is entirely possible to serve and behave with elegance and grace if that is the requirement.

I was recently recommended a book to read called "Living M/s" by Dan and Dawn Williams.  Flipping through the Kindle pages, there were one or points in there that, for me, related to grace and elegance rather well, so I shall share a small piece or two:

"...When I make our bed every morning, I don't just straighten the covers.  Instead I think about my Master and how this pleases him.  I remember his command that I make the bed in the morning, and I pay attention to the details of what I am doing.  As I serve his coffee, I am not a wife pouring her husband's coffee; I'm a slave who has the honor of serving her Master.  I make his coffee as he likes it; then, with intention, I serve his coffee, mindful of my demeanor and tone.  Do I just hand him his coffee as I pass on the way to my computer? No.  I stop, wait for him to acknowledged me, look him in the eye, and bow my head to him as I place the cup on his desk.  When I take off his socks at night on put on/take of his boots, I stop talking, take a breath, calm the clatter in my head and concentrate on the experience of what I am doing.  I feel the texture of his socks or boots, the energy of our connection, the heat of his skin, and the sound of our breathing; everything else stops and that moment becomes primary."

Dawn Williams, Living M/s 

In our communities too, there is plenty of room for showing grace and elegance.  And not just the submissives.....a Dominant can show grace and elegance too....in their treatment of others.

"...Fortunately for me...observers stifled their laughter, gently removed the crop from my hand, and offered to help me by mentoring me.  They could have mocked me, reacted with sarcasm, or tried to score "cool points" by deriding my skill (of lack thereof).  Instead they understood they had an opportunity to lead and teach, and they acted responsibly to help bring out the best in someone new.  When you see someone screw up, make a mistake, or imply a level of expertise they don't possess, you'll have that opportunity.  Will you turn on them, slam the door, and practice your witticism by making sarcastic jokes about (or, worse, to) the "stupid newbie"?  Or will you laugh with them and say: "I remember doing it that way, and it didn't work out well.  May I make a few suggestions?".....................Regarding group gossip, politics, and assholes....they'll always be with us.  What you can do is NOT engage in such behavior.  Ever.  As Master of a slave, not only lead by example but do not allow them to engage in that behavior either."

Dan Williams, Living M/s

Grace and elegance can be found in many places in D/s and BDSM....even where it may be difficult to see on the surface it can be found integral to many different aspects and elements of a relationship.   Where is it in yours?  Please do come along to the discussion on Monday and share your thoughts and experiences.

These Monday discussions are loosely using the service exploration workbook "Where I am Led" by Christina Parker as a point of reference. You do not need to have read or even seen the book to fully participate in the discussion.

Everyone welcome. Please do join us on Monday (6th May) at 12pm SLT at the Temple of Discussion on Respect sim. Discussion is voice led but text also very welcome.