I enjoy very much the discussions that I facilitate at D/s academy and learn much from everyone there. None more so than yesterday at the submissives only discussion at subs Haven when I was able to make a welcome realisation thanks to the act of listening to others.
I had raised an interesting topic that I had been party to briefly discussing recently at another sim and wanted to discuss further: When you are in a position of authority or control during your day (at work, with the kids, etc.) what things do you do to help the transition from that "work headspace" to being in your "submissive headspace" when you have finished work and are home with your Dominant?
Some of us shared some ideas of what we do...for me wearing Master's collar, consciously feeling its weight on my neck, wearing His cuffs at night, performing certain routines, serving Him dinner, etc. can help me to "come down" from work and be in my place. For some of course the simple act of coming into SL and being in their avatar is a great trigger to aid the transition. For others....just being with their Master or a simple word from Him was enough to snap them into place.
Others in the group felt that they didn't really differentiate between being in different headspaces at all even though they were in different positions of control during different aspects of their lives. They just knew what was expected of them in those different aspects. One described stepping out of themselves when they got home from work - not that they "played a part" in either aspect of their lives - more so that they just knew their place in each. For some it was the act of returning home and to merely sit at their Dominant's feet...rest against His thigh and feel in their place....that brought them into a state of relaxation.
Now....this got me to thinking....
For me at the moment my work is incredibly stressful and I suppose this is why I brought up this subject in the first place. Sometimes I feel like I want to shake all the "stuff" out of my head BEFORE Master comes home...in order that I may focus on Him. I am sometimes finding it difficult to shift all the crap from work from my mind and worry that it may affect my ability to serve Sir as best I can. (Incidentally this is my observation....not Master's)
I had been talking in terms of my "Dominant self" at work and finding my "submissive self" when not at work. Accusing myself of being a "bad slave" because I was letting the "Dominant aspects of myself" bleed over.
This is nonsense.
Listening to others at the group made me realise something. I was compartmentalising my personality, my self.
I am who I am. Just me. And just like others had described in the group - I was not "playing a part" in any aspect of my life....it was all me all along and I had been trying too hard (as always) to find reason in everything and put labels on my behaviour and my actions.
I am not "Dominant" at work....I am stressed at work! I am not "failing in some way to transition into a submissive headspace"....I am failing to RELAX!
When I looked at what was really worrying me.....that I had perhaps been missing some chores....that I felt I was not looking as well as I should....that I had felt anxious about work when I should be focusing on Master...these were not acts of Dominance *laughs* - they happen because I am stressed. (Master knew this all along of course and had been trying to guide me to relax.....and silly me had seen it as a failure of my submission in some way)
*smiles*
So....
Many thanks to those at the group who unknowingly opened my eyes for me. And also to those who subsequently shared ways that they find to help them relax. A demonstration of how these discussions and our community are so very valuable in many ways.
*wanders off to light the candles and soak in the bath*
2 comments:
It's been mentioned before, of course, but often, when we're in a role of organising or leading others (where I am led?) this is a lonely place, and when we step out of that role (not that I'm suggesting we play at it) we also lose our loneliness.
The dominant isn't lonely in this respect as he is part of a team as soon as the submissive sits at his feet.
... but I do think there is a loneliness. We can all experience it. and It comes from a lack of communication.
"I think this. Should I say how I think? If / when I do, if the other person does not validate my communication, how do we know if what I said is a good reflection of what my perceptions are? Don't we all feel so vulnerable in those moments? "
Julala, you write eloquently - in a manner that many of your readers find inspirational with a little bit of adulation thrown in there too. And yet, how often do people comment? How often does someone say, on a Monday night, "Julala, that piece you wrote on the blog - well,in response to that I think....."
well, I call on everyone who looks up to you on a Monday night to make ONE comment. ONE response to you. ONE caring, thoughtful validation of the bravery you show every week, in stating what you think.
Come on....!
aah...thank you estos...that is very sweet of you...and most welcome... *smiles*
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