Where I am Led - Part 22 - Willingness and Motivation (by Julala)

Willingness and Motivation

Is it willingness that makes the submissive?  Willingness to comply, willingness to serve, to please.  Is it willingness that makes the Dominant?  Willingness to lead, to guide, to control.  Or could it be that willingness is what will define whether a D/s relationship will work between two individuals?

Are you willing to experiment, to push yourself?
Are you willing to sacrifice?
Are you willing to put another's needs before your own wants?
Are you willing to say no?
Are you willing to say yes, even when it scares you?
Are you willing to try?
Are you willing to try again?
Are you willing to forgive?
Are you willing to have trust?
Are you willing to submit?
Are you willing to take control?

Whether you answer yes or no to these questions.....there follows another question when we start to incorporate "motivation".....why?  Why are you willing (or unwilling)?  What motivates you to submit to another?  to be Dominant to another?  What drives you to do the things you do?

We are all motivated by different things: Some find punishment motivating....others will be entirely de-motivated by punishment.  Some find reward motivating.....and reward can take many forms.  Some are motivated when they succeed.....demotivated when they fail.  Some are motivated by drama...some repelled by it.

I have noticed that being submissive in itself helps to motivate me in many ways.  For example - when I was in a vanilla relationship and my partner would say "can you get me a drink?" I would think "why can't you get it yourself?" - since discovering D/s and being in a D/s relationship...it changed...my mindset changed....my motivation was now to please....like I'd never had before.  If Master asks for a drink I am delighted to receive an opportunity to please Him.  Does your own (or their) submissiveness motivate you? Does Your own (or their) Dominance motivate You?

How much responsibility do we take in providing motivation for another person?  Is it part of the role for a Dominant to recognise what motivates Their submissive and to drive them appropriately?  Or is it the responsibility of each individual in the relationship (whether they be Dominant or submissive) to manage/recognise their own motivation and recognise/feed the motivation of the other?  Is this the key to a lasting relationship of any kind?

Sexual sadism and masochism have been studied and hypothesised regarding motivation and "Causes" - after all it is a deviant behaviour...a "paraphilia".  But putting aside the DSM diagnoses that we're all just mentalists.....bringing it back to a non-academic and much more personal level: What motivates YOU to inflict or receive pain with a loving partner.....with a consenting stranger?

Do you know what motivates you?  Do you care?  Or are you just willing to accept that it just your kink?

Motivation comes up in its different aspects regularly in our discussions and none moreso than when we are talking about the way people behave towards us.  Especially when we are talking about intimate or close relationships between people.  When someone does or says something that hurts us, or is disloyal, or disobedient....we question their motivations.  Was it a mistake?  or intentional betrayal of trust?  Cowardice or fear of reprisal?  Attention seeking?  Understanding (or recognising) the motivation behind their actions can be the decider on how we react.


These Monday discussions are loosely using the service exploration workbook "Where I am Led" by Christina Parker as a point of reference. You do not need to have read or even seen the book to fully participate in the discussion.

Everyone welcome. Please do join us on Monday (4th March) at 12pm SLT at the Temple of Discussion on Respect sim. Discussion is voice led but text also very welcome.