Change and Development - Where I am Led (by Julala)

We like to think that as we grow we develop (whether in a D/s relationship, or just simply as people).  With growth and development comes change.....and change can be a wonderful thing....and change can be a terrifying thing.

In D/s we often hear talk of "developing one's submissive", teaching them, guiding them and encouraging personal growth.  In reality of course it is both Dominant and submissive that will develop and grow as their relationship also grows and develops and changes.  In fact I've described of it as balancing jelly in your hands (not jam you Amercicans, jelly...like party jelly)...they bend and flow and wobble and twist.  Its fluid, always moving.  You need to move with it or it may just fall.  Being prepared for changes might help to accept them when they come.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” 

― Lao Tzu

Change is inevitable and yet we often resist it.  In relationships, as with anything, change happens, good and bad.  

Sometimes a change is desired.  Small changes can of course be negotiated and in a D/s relationship there should be opportunity for discussions around change.  If a contract is used then it will need to be reviewed as the relationship and people develop.  Limits may change, boundaries, desires, wants and needs will change.  Failing to recognise or consider the changes that will inevitably happen can lead to disappointment, resentment or discontent.

We talked before about growth and how if growth happens within a relationship there is always the possibility that one partner of the relationship will out grow the other.  Sometimes the need for change will result in the end of the relationship or the end of the D/s dynamic - I have heard several times of couples changing from being in a D/s relationship to a vanilla arrangement.....and vice versa of course.  Difficulties arise when one person is ready for change and the other is not.

“When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can't make them change if they don't want to, just like when they do want to, you can't stop them.”

― Andy Warhol

It can be scary when change happens, none more so when the change is sudden.  Anyone that has experienced the death of a loved one, a catastrophic incident, lost a job, or received an unwanted diagnoses will know how change can grip you by the throat.

“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.”

― Mary Shelley

Whether a change is good or bad one thing is for sure....change can not be stopped.  Like King Canute holding back the waves....holding up our hands will not stop the inevitable.

People change, communities change, relationships change.  They develop.

Please do come and share your thought on change and development on Monday (22nd July) at 12pm SLT at the Temple of Discussion on Respect sim. Discussion is voice led but text also very welcome. Everyone welcome.

These Monday discussions are loosely using the service exploration workbook "Where I am Led" by Christina Parker as a point of reference. You do not need to have read or even seen the book to fully participate in the discussion.