Confessions of a Switch #2 (by Dece)

By: Decembredemetra Resident (Dece)

*~* Confession #2 *~*

Switches are just as much an 'established' role as Dominants and submissives.

A lot of people I come across seem to view Switches just as a majority of society viewed bisexuals at one time or another: that we are greedy or don't know what we want, so we just take up both roles so that we can have everything or our "pick of the litter", so to speak. That's not it at ALL. Just as bisexuals will argue that they simply are attracted to both genders and that doesn't make them greedy at all, and that they know EXACTLY what they want, I feel that Switches are the same way. We know exactly what we want and what we *need*: We need both halves of the D/s equation in order to be completely happy and 'self-actualized' (to toss in a term from Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs).

It's not at all that we don't know what we want. I, once again, cannot speak for all Switches, as I do not know all of them personally, but I, myself, did a lot of soul searching to figure out just who I was in this lifestyle. I started out identifying as a submissive, and even was quoted at one point by a RL friend of mine saying, "Switchy women scare me." That was about a year and a half ago by now. And here I am, a year and a half later, just seven months 'out of the closet' as being a Switch, and I feel *so* much better and more fulfilled in my chosen role than I did before. It didn't come from a place of not knowing what I wanted or needed... just the opposite. I looked at myself as a submissive and just needed... more. I couldn't describe it, and I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew I needed more than what was currently possible in my life.

Switching is definitely not a decision one should make on a whim or as a matter of "this sounds like fun!" Both Topping and bottoming should be viewed with an equal level of seriousness, and should not be taken lightly at all. Sure, it's not all 'serious face' all the time, but when deciding upon what role in this Lifestyle 'fits' you, you definitely have to do more serious considering than anything else. You can't just put the roles on a dartboard, spin yourself around a throw a dart. "Well lookie there! I guess I'm a Switch!" Not taking your role seriously can be the breeding ground for hurting others and causing mistrust, and even perpetuating the harmful stereotypes about this lifestyle simply by not knowing what you're doing and being in no position to try and do it. I repeat, for the thousandth time, I'm sure, THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO TAKE LIGHTLY.

That being said, why would it be assumed that Switches don't give the same serious consideration to what path they should follow in this Lifestyle? Sometimes (and, again, I'm not saying *all* people react this way, because I know there are those that don't) it seems as though people view it as if Dominants and submissives do all the serious soul searching and Switches just sit around with our thumbs up our asses and pick something without any thought whatsoever. This idea is, frankly, insulting to me as a Switch who has spent the majority of the time I've been in the Lifestyle struggling with who I am and where I fit.

Again, I KNOW that not all Dominants and submissives view Switches in this light. A friend of mine, Dominant, and trusted confidant (whose name I will keep out of this for now) actually told me that He has a degree of respect for Switches. He examines His own chosen path in this Lifestyle and sees that it is enough of a challenge for Him, and it is His natural fit... the path He is supposed to be on. He has a certain degree of understanding for the submissive path, for every decent Dominant should at least understand submissives to a certain degree in order to interact with them properly and in the way that they need interacted with, but He knows that path is not for Him. He looks at Switches who not only understand both paths but *embrace* both paths and walk down a completely different path that holds the trials and tribulations of BOTH sides of the D/s equation and is, at times, amazed at our ability to do such. "More power to you," I believe is something He has said to me at one point, but I could be wrong.

It is this view that I wish on the whole of the BDSM Community. I (and other Switches, I'm sure) understand both paths of the D/s Lifestyle and respect those that choose one or the other, for I am of the firm belief that you can be nothing more or less than you are meant to be. You have your own personal fit in this Lifestyle, and you can *effectively* be no more and no less than that. You can always grow in your role, but unless it is that natural fit for you, that path you are meant to walk down, then your growth will always come to an end, a stagnant point that cannot resume until you find that path that is yours to truly take and make the most of. I understand this wholeheartedly. And for some it is that path of the Dominant, or that of the submissive. What I want and wish everyone else understood is that for others it is neither the path of the Dominant nor the submissive. It is the path of the Switch, and that is just a substantial of a role as the others.

So... Confession #2: Switches are just as much an 'established' role as Dominants and submissives.

In submission, Dominance, service, and love:

Dece