*~* Confession #3 *~*
Switches NEED to Switch.
Some of you might think I'm taking the easy way out with this confession, and when I first started expressing this idea to people, I thought it was a pretty "Duh!" kind of statement. But the more I interact with people and the more I get to know them and they get to know me, the more I find that sometimes Switches are asked to compromise one side of themselves in order to please someone else, be it a Dominant or submissive that they are exploring with. Monogamy can exist for Switches, but it is a bit of a... special case kind of monogamy. That's what I hope to address in this post and clarify a few points for some of you that may be curious.
First of all, as the confession stated, Switches NEED to Switch... that's what makes us different from Dominants and submissives. Not only can Switches understand and embrace both paths of the D/s Lifestyle, they simply need the presence of both in their lives. It's what we thrive on. Just as Dominants *need* to feel however Topping makes them feel (I'm of the school of thought that it's different for everyone, whether it be empowered, strong, 'macho', everyone gets different feelings out of it) and submissives *need* to feel however bottoming makes them fee, Switches *need* both sides of this coin. Now, how much they need of each can vary from person to person. Not every Switch is 50/50... far from it.
What I mean is that Switching seems to work on a sliding scale. You can have Switches that are 10% Dominant and 90% submissive... you can have Switches that are 10% submissive and 90% Dominants... and you can have anything and everything in between. Myself, I tend to be 80/20 submissive to Dominant, so I need to feel submissive most of the time. People see me acting in more of a submissive manner and assume I can be happy with just that. While I'm 80/20, there's still that 20% of me that is Dominant and needs to feel how Topping someone makes me feel. That might not seem much in comparison to the 80% of me that is submissive, but 20% is still 1/5th. (Yay for a Math lesson!) It's still a significant part of myself and my nature. Some people don't understand this.
So often (more often than not, unfortunately) what I see is this: A Switch who is mostly submissive (or even one who isn't) is collared to a Dominant. Now this Dominant knows that the Switch is a Switch and, as such, should know that he/she needs to feel both sides of the D/s equation. But all they see is the submissive side... the side that desires Their Dominance over them... the side that aches and yearns to please them to the best of their ability, and suddenly the Dominant begins to think that having *only* that will make the Switch happy. They completely forget about the side of him/her that needs to Top, and they outright ignore and deny requests to be able to do so. After all, in the eyes of the Dominant this Switch has now become a submissive, and shouldn't need that other side of feel happy. Dominants lost sight of their Switch's needs to Top because they are submissive to Them... and easy thing to do, but very hazardous to the relationship. Dominants, my advice to You is to always remember who Your Switch is, and listen to him/her when they are requesting that their other needs be met. You cannot have a happy, healthy relationship if all the needs of the BOTH of you are not being met. *Slips off her soapbox*
One other thing... a bit of a sub-confession... that goes along with this idea is that a Switch can be monogamous, even with their need to Switch... but it is a bit of a 'special' form of monogamy. While Switches might not be monogamous in the sense that they only play with one person, they can still honor their relationships and be monogamous within them. What I mean is, take me for example again, I am monogamous within my roles. If I submit to a Dominant, then I bottom to no other. That is my Dominant and I am *His* and *His* alone... no others will Top me. Period. I may seek out a casual bottom to play with, in order to satisfy my need to Top, but I will not submit or bottom to anyone else, because I am monogamous to my Dominant. Good lord I hope that made sense. *Giggles*
I think I'll touch on monogamy a bit more in a later confession, so consider that a taste of what is to come. But for now, I'll leave You with Confession #3: Switches NEED to Switch.
In submission, Dominance, service, and love:
Dece
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