D/s Academy Events ~ Week: 02/20 - 02/26/2012 ~

1.   Monday  02/20/2012
1.1 time: 7 pm SLT (9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern, 4 am CET)
       type of event: Discussion (text)
       subject:  TBD
       host: Genny Clary
       location:  Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect

2.   TUESDAY  02/21/2012
2.1 time: time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
       type of event: D Lounge - Dom/mes only Discussion/Chat
       subject: TBD
       host: Zano Irata
       location: Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect      
            
3.   WEDNESDAY  02/22/2012
3.1 time: 12 am SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 am CET)
       type of event: TGIF Wednesday party
       DJ: MarinJenn Gothly
       location:  Castle Party Room,  D/s academy, Respect

4.   THURSDAY 02/23/2012
4.1 time:  1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
       type of event: BDSM literature club
       subject: TBD
       host: Marion Fadlan
       location:  Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect

5. Friday 02/24/2012
5.1 time:  12 pm SLT  (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
       type of event: Munch (voice/text)
       subject: Open Chat, meet old and possibly new friends and fellow  lifestylers
       host: Azurianna Saxondale
       location:  Welcome Area,  D/s academy, Respect

6. Saturday 02/25/2012
6.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
       type of event: Lifestyle Discussion (text/voice)
       subject: TBD
       host: Zano Irata
       location:  Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect

7.    SUNDAY 02/26/2012
7.1 time: 11 am SLT  (1 pm Central, 2 pm Eastern, 8 am CET)
       type of event: Lecture (text/voice)
       subject: Beginners Class Part 5 "Refining the experience of control in SL"
       host: Damiel Braham
       location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, SIM Respect

7.2 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
       type of event: Discussion (text/voice)
       subject: TBD
       host: Kaddan Yue
       location:  Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect

Have a great &  kinky week  !

Imagine That Everyone Is Enlightened Except You

This strategy gives you a chance to practice something that is probably completely unacceptable to you. However, if you give it a try, you might find that it's one of the most helpful exercises in self-improvement.

As the title suggest, the idea is to imagine that everyone you know and everyone you meet is perfectly enlightened. That is, everyone except you! The people you meet are all here to teach you something. Perhaps the obnoxious driver or disrespectful teenager is here to teach you about patience, the punk rocker might be here to teach you to be less judgmental.

Your job is to try to determine what the people in your life are trying to teach you. You'll find that if you do this, you'll be far less annoyed, bothered, and frustrated by the actions and imperfections of other people. you can actually get yourself in the habit of approaching life in this manner and, if you do, you'll be glad you did. Often, once you discover what someone is trying to teach you, it's easy to let go of your frustration. For example, suppose you're in the post office and the postal clerk appears to be intentionally moving slowly. Rather than feeling frustrated, ask yourself this question, "What is he trying to teach me?" Maybe you need to learn about compassion - how hard it would be to have a job that you don't like. Or perhaps you could learn a little more about being patient. Standing in line is an excellent opportunity to break your habit of feeling impatient.

You may be surprised at how fun and easy this is. All you're really doing is changing your perception from "Why are they doing this?" to "What are they trying to teach me?" Take a look around today at all the enlightened people.

From Don't Sweat The Small Stuff by Richard Carlson

Hot & authentic - a nice film for SMfans (by Mirjam)

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D/s Academy Events ~ Week: 02/13 - 02/19/2012 ~

1.    Monday  02/13/2012
1.1  time: 7 pm SLT (9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern, 4 am CET)
       type of event: Discussion (text)
       subject:  TBD
       host: Genny Clary
       location:  Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect
 
2.    TUESDAY  02/14/2012 (Valentine´s Day - get the flowers ready ;-)
2.1  time: 11 am SLT (1 pm Central, 2  pm Eastern, 8 am CET)
       type of event: Lecture
       subject:  "Basic Rules for Safe Sane Consensual BDSM - part 1"
       host: Mirjam Munro
       location:  Ancient Theatre,  D/s academy, Respect
      
2.2  time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
       type of event: D Lounge - Dom/mes only Discussion/Chat
       subject: TBD
       host: Zano Irata
       location: Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect       
            
3.    WEDNESDAY  02/15/2012
3.1  time: 12 am SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 am CET)
       type of event: TGIF Wednesday party
       DJ: MarinJenn Gothly
       location:  Castle Party Room,  D/s academy, Respect

4.   THURSDAY 02/16/2012
4.1 time:  1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
       type of event: BDSM literature club
       subject: TBD
       host: Marion Fadlan
       location:  Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect

5.    Friday 02/17/2012
5.1  time:  12 pm SLT  (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
       type of event: Munch (voice/text)
       subject: Open Chat, meet old and possibly new friends and fellow  lifestylers
       host: D/s Academy staff
       location:  Welcome Area,  D/s academy, Respect

6.    Saturday 02/18/2012
6.1  time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
       type of event: Lifestyle Discussion (text/voice)
       subject: TBD
       host: Zano Irata
       location:  Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect

7.    SUNDAY 02/19/2012
7.1  time: 11 am SLT  (1 pm Central, 2 pm Eastern, 8 am CET)
       type of event: Lecture (text/voice)
       subject: Beginners Class Part 5 "Refining the experience of control in SL"
       host: Damiel Braham
       location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, SIM Respect

7.2  time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
       type of event: Discussion (text/voice)
       subject: TBD
       host: Kaddan Yue
       location:  Castle Library,  D/s academy, Respect
     
Have a great &  kinky week  !

Light for the world (by Mirjam)

Yesterday one of the greatest singer voices of modern times was found dead in a hotel room. Whitney Houston. Not long ago I was given the opportunity to see her live in concert, her performance showing the effects of drug abuse and other things that have been overshadowing her life while her voice once was so bright, a true spirited light to the people listening to her songs.
This tragic event made me think ... made me think of talents, the light that we have. It is what we show of it that will persist and survive the event of our life's end. It is what carries a meaning by the meaning it has for the heart and life of other people. Let's dare to stand in the light and shine to our potential.

               Houstons "One Moment in Time" @ Grammy Awards

Shibari (an article found on tiedmoments.com)

Nawa Shibari

"I feel His own soul react as I reach into myself
to give Him back some tiny portion
of what He has given me."

First, for those unfamiliar with the terms, shibari is japanese rope bondage. It can include a shinju which is tied around the torso, a sukaranbo, which is basically a crotch rope, a karada (rope dress), or any combination of these and other ties. These ties can be used to hold the sub into place, to accentuate her feelings of sensuality or vulnerability, to restrict her movement, and in suspension among thousands of other ways.

The first time Daniels roped me it was sexy. I was put into a basic shinju and sukaranbo and teased mercilessly. The experience was simply meant to be fun while showing me a little of what the ropes were like. The next weekend He suspended me for the first time. I was so uncomfortable in the feeling of vulnerability in His ropes that I struggled against them instead of allowing them to envelope me. Again, it was "fun" but I was so focused on keeping myself together that I didn’t allow myself to experience the power of the ropes.

Daniels spoke to me about it afterwards. We reviewed what had happened and discussed my feelings. He also started to teach me about the ropes. Through patience and His unending honor, He taught me to trust in the ropes and to revel in the helplessness found within them. He taught me ways to help me keep my balance and to control my breathing. He showed me little things that become second nature so I no longer focus on what is happening to me and instead let myself just feel.

I have come to love His ropes, aching for the moment they’re put on and missing them when they’re removed. He says the biggest problem He has now is keeping me from dropping so deeply into subspace before He even has me bound completely. There is a freedom to be found within the ropes that I had never dreamed of. They confine while allowing me freedom to move, and they enhance my own sensuality, holding me tight and allowing me to give up everything to Him. Within His ropes, I know my every movement is His to control, that I am helpless and vulnerable to this Man.

But even more than the ropes, shibari incorporates a whole lifestyle. Shibari is consensual D/s in its truest form. I give up every right to Daniels, but only because He has earned my respect and trust. He does not demand anything of me, and would want nothing of me that I don’t give freely. In the time we’ve been together, He has taught me to give of myself in ways I didn’t think were possible. He demands nothing of me, but rather commands my submission through what I myself want to give Him.

The goal of shibari is not punishment, nor is it control as many westernized D/s’ers seem to practice. It is a mutual effort of the Dom and sub to build the best, closest relationship possible. There are no safewords used, scenes are not negotiated, and the concept of "safe, sane and consensual" is not vocalized. Instead there is an honor to be found within the Dom to respect the sub and ensure no harm comes to her in exchange for the total control she gives Him.

To many, shibari may seem extreme. Bondage and suspension can be torturous and painful. In addition, deep humiliation is often used, and the sub really is the Dom’s "object" to be used as He wishes. But this is all used to break down any false inhibitions between the sub and Dom and is never meant to be harmful. Instead, it diminishes and eventually removes any barriers between the two, forming a bond and dependence between the couple that is indescribable.

Daniels and I are still in the process of learning each other and tightening this bond. His integrity ensures that this is a long-term process. As my attachment to Him and respect for Him grow, I find myself doing things for Him without Him even asking. He tells me what He likes, and I find myself wanting to do them. Not because I fear His reaction if I don’t, but because I crave His reaction when I do. I constantly find myself in new situations with Him, and I can almost see the bond between us strengthen as I give more and deeper of myself. I hear the change in His voice as I give yet another portion of my soul to Him. I watch the smile on His face as I learn to hide nothing from Him. I feel His own soul react as I reach into myself to give Him back some tiny portion of what He has given me. And I feel myself continue to search for ways to please Him further.

We all have our own definition of what submission means to us. I have been with someone who simply wanted to control my every movement. I have given myself to someone who forced me into deep "submission" by fear of punishment if I screwed up. And I have known the pleasures to be found by being taken to new heights when I was physically pushed past any false modesty and allowed myself to find a place where the only thing that existed was the sensations of the moment.

But before this Man entered my life, I never knew the joy to be found in submitting simply because this Man has so thoroughly earned my respect and trust. And because I know I reach unexpected depths by following His lead and holding nothing of myself back. I cannot imagine a truer form of submission for myself than what He is teaching me. And I can only look forward to learning more.

© 2000 laciee

This article is taken from http://www.tiedmoments.com/submission/shibari.htm 

A Light in the Dark (by Dannah)

When I started my journey into the D/s lifestyle, I kept running into a contradiction which confused me. If D/s, M/s and BDSM were supposedly so "good", why was it only talked about in damp, dreary and broken down dungeons? I tend to associate dungeons (and their assumed atmosphere of rats, dripping water, and cold, moldy stones) with "bad". There was always this sense of fear and foreboding which accompanied the term BDSM. While people talked about how enriching the lifestyle was, at the same time they often acted as if it was something only "bad" people do while hidden away in shame.

It is true that our lifestyle must be kept private from the uneducated and intolerant vanilla world. However, I was not willing to accept that this made my lifestyle choice "bad" or "dirty". Even at the start of my journey, I sensed that there was an uplifting and hopeful aspect to what I longed for. It didn't make me feel bad, it made me feel GOOD, and I wanted desperately to meet other people in the lifestyle that felt the same.

Second Life has the unique ability to show us both the dark and light side of almost any situation we can imagine. Hopping from sim to sim, we can experience a wide range of perspectives on the D/s lifestyle. Some people want that dark, brutal slavery and there are many places which will accommodate them. But for those of us who choose a different path, there are the educational sims. These are places we can go without being harassed or molested, where we can engage in adult conversation and hopefully learn something new about ourselves and our relationships.

It's vitally important that the educational sims are maintained in Second Life. Each of us was new to this lifestyle at some point and faced with the arduous task of finding quality information and assistance without being ashamed of our desires or being preyed upon. As practitioners of D/s we are all called to support, in any manner we can, the sims and owners who have dedicated themselves to providing this service.

If you travel around the educational sims, you'll see the 80/20 law in effect. 80% of the funding and work is done by only 20% of the people. I applaud those efforts. But it's time for everyone to stop and think about what they can do to help.

The economy sucks. Not everyone has the disposable income to donate (though even small donations add up). If you can donate, you should. However, each of us has talent(s). If you can't offer money, offer time or assistance. Seek out the sim owner and let them know your talent. Can you design graphics? Lead a discussion group? Build? Plan parties? Write? Do administrative tasks like transcription or filing? Believe me, there is ALWAYS something which needs to be done.

If you are reading this blog, chances are that you enjoy the educational sims. Many of you are already offering some form of support. If you aren't, I hope you'll consider becoming an active part of the community. We need you. We need your gifts, your time and your talent to make Second Life a solid source of education and assistance to the wider D/s community.

There were people who helped you on your journey. Turn around and lend a hand to others. Helping, welcoming, caring and educating...it's all part of TTWD.

Basics Build the Foundation (by Dannah)

I was newly collared, hot, ready and oh-so-eager to serve my Master in any number of delicious, delightful and decadent ways. I was begging for Him.

"Command me...Control me...Master me!"

He had been quizzing me over several days, asking questions about my life, my dreams, and my goals. He wanted to know private things, too. It excited me to give Him all the details. No one had ever asked so many questions about ME and I loved the attention. Finally, in that extremely sexy, slow and deliberate way of His, Master gave me my first task as His submissive:

"You need to drink more water."

I was a little disappointed so I asked hopefully, "Is there anything else Master would like me to do?"

"No more sweets without permission. Eat fruit, instead."

Um...it was not what I wanted. I wanted some sexual task or erotic assignment. I wanted to be His submissive a.k.a. sex slave, not obey the Department of Agriculture's guidelines for good health. Granted, Master was taking luscious sexual advantage of me, but I was ready for the good stuff.

Like most submissives, I yearned to feel His darker side, that sexual Mastery. What I didn't realize until I looked back on that time, is that I WAS being Mastered: but it was complete Mastery and preparation for more intense play. From the beginning, Master wanted much more from me than just sexual scenes. He wanted a permanent, life-long submissive. So with that goal in mind Master began training my heart, body, mind and spirit to be absolutely and completely HIS.

It takes a wise Master to understand needs. No matter how hot and eager the submissive is, if her basic life needs are being neglected it will eventually overwhelm her and possibly destroy the relationship. If she isn't getting enough sleep, she's going to burn out. If she isn't eating healthy foods, she'll lack energy. If she feels unloved or lacks friends, she will become insecure and too needy (demanding). If money or housing is a worry, the stress will affect her ability to submit. How can she submit fully to you if she must fight to maintain control over an out-of-control situation?

Handle the basics first. Put that submissive who stays up all night on a bedtime. Monitor her food, if necessary. Help her manage a budget or to find help in doing so. Remember, as a Master, you have already conquered these things in yourself, right? Share your insight with your sub, help her improve her LIFE and I guarantee that it will reflect in her deeper submission to you.

There will always be new situations or ongoing issues that the submissive must deal with, so continue to monitor those basic needs. Add more rules or protocols as she develops, but ALWAYS check back to make sure she is in compliance with the basics (we tend to lapse on them).

Difficult times in my relationship with Master are thankfully few, but they always seem to occur when those basic needs get out of whack. If I don't get enough good sleep, go on a sugar binge or get trapped at my desk for days on end doing work and go without exercise or getting outdoors (fresh air), I tend to get cranky, irritable and try to wrestle back control.

Wrestling back control is another way of saying "I have a need here that isn't being met." Although I would argue about some petty thing to Master, a closer look has routinely shown that my REAL need was a basic one. Once that basic need was addressed (like getting some sleep), the petty thing I was squabbling about seemed irrelevant or not nearly as important as I made it out to be.

Basic needs.
Always start there because it's the simple stuff which builds a solid foundation for D/s.

[dual posted from the blog subtypical]

Truth In The Light - a Gorean dance (by Meadow)

This dance is performed to the song In The Shadow, In The Light by Enigma


Meadow Theas spins onto the sands, strong legs lifting muscled curves of buttock under the slither of flame-colored silks. Firelight catches on chains of gold. Skin pale as dawn glimmers in and out of the midnight swirl around her.

Meadow speaks, voice clear as music over the tap of the kaska, the soft full tones of the double flute. "What is a kajira? It is not my body that gives my submission value. Not the achingly sweet curve of my hips, not the luscious offering of breasts like ripe larma for the nourishment of pleasure. It is not the turn of my wrists, the arch of my feet, the silken fall of my hair. These are not the things that can meet the fire of a true Man."

Meadow laughs, eyes like lakes in the black fringe of the trees, deep blue water full of life. Bells and chains chime as she dips and turns, balanced in the bright air like a tanager by the clap and lift of wings.

"It is not my service that gives my submission value. Not the skill of my hands to make a home, not the strength of my back to tend the bosk and the verr. It is not my grace in the tavern, not my talent in the furs, not even my obedience. A tharlarion can obey."

Meadow slides to the dance sands, then rises like a flame, heat of passion pulling her up, music like air feeding the blaze of life. She loves the soft caress of the cloud around her, the brush of silks, the anchor tightness of belt and top.

"It is not even my slave heart that brings my submission value. Not the heart that loves to yield to the strength of a trusted Master, not the joy in obedience. These things are not enough for true submission. "

Meadow’s laughter echoes the bells on her high-arched feet, dances with the rhythm of the kaska. She twirls on the sand, a gust of flame-clad wind and smoke, straightens into the firelit air with a stretch of belly and ribs, heart open to the life in the music, in the dance, in the watching hearts who answer her.

"What is a kajira but a woman? A woman, energy of life part of all that is, a precious being holding the soft fire of the Priest-Kings in a shell of skin."

"This is a Mystery. It is the luminous power of a woman that gives her submission value. Life part of the life of all things, power to choose and act, strength to love truly, wisdom to guide herself and others, knowledge of herself as part of the Divine. What true Man could settle for less?"

Meadow shimmers across the sands, wind and smoke and fire and the trail of laughter, flash of sky and water in her eyes. She meets the gaze of the watchers, loving the spark of connection.

"I am fire and wind, earth and water and the breath of spirit. Match me and I will be Yours forever, deeply given, in the shadow and the light, living the Divine in the freedom of Your collar. Ask Yourself for less and my submission is impossible."

Meadow drops into nadu, dawn skin sheened with sweat, black hair settling around heaving breasts and clinging to sticky shoulders.

Meadow’s clear voice joins the double flute, laughing, breathless from the dance. "la kajira!" #

Trust misunderstood (by Mirjam)

I recently read an article about Trust on http://www.psychologytoday.com. It has greatly inspired me and made me think of implications of trust in D/s context as well, even though this article deals with trust at the workplace.
In my opinion a lot of the thoughts presented by the author Nan S. Russell can be related to trust in the context of an intimate relationship too. We so often talk about trust and how important it is to make D/s relationships work. I hope that this article may feed some contents and deeper level thoughts to the
term "trust" that we so often toss in at discussions among people interested in BDSM.
I'd be glad if a discussion about the ideas presented could develop in the comments area of this blog.
Mirjam.

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY

7 Misunderstood Truths About Workplace Trust
- Authentic Trust at Work

Published on December 31, 2011 by Nan S. Russell in Trust: The New Workplace Currency

***

Trust is the most misunderstood word at work, resulting in perceptions of broken promises and trampled expectations. People mean different things when they use the word. But the new workplace currency of trust is centered on authentic trust. Authentic trust comes from authentic people.

Only when there is a commitment to the relationship is authentic trust built. When mutual commitments are delivered without concern for personal advantage or attempted manipulation or control, trust grows.

Consider these misunderstood truths about authentic trust - the kind of trust that builds workplaces and ignites engagement:

1.  Trust is not always a good thing.
There are many types of trust. Non-authentic, basic trust can be unrealistic, naïve, foolish, or blind. Yet, many people still operate at work with this simple kind of trust most of us started with as babies. Childlike trust is not authentic trust. It's not the kind of trust that builds work relationships. Trust is not inherently good or not good. It's how and when it's applied.

2.  Mistrust is not the opposite of trust. Control is.
Notice where there is a lack of authentic trust and you'll see controlling people. Giving trust is a choice to be made but once it's given, accountability tied with freedom is at its core.

3. There is always risk when giving trust.
Authentic trust is an action developed through critical thought and experience. It doesn't deny the past or ignore the possibility of future trust broken, either intentional or unintentional. Those operating with authentic trust weigh the risks and benefits before giving it.

4. Trust is a process.
Authentic trust is not a screensaver waiting in the background until it's needed. It's not the glue that holds things together. Authentic trust is a learned emotional skill. It involves an ongoing process of relationship building, where the relationship is more important than any one particular outcome.

5. Trust is about people not things.
Trust involves interpersonal engagement. We may use the word, associating trust with things as well as people, but one can't really "trust" their car. We confuse trust with "dependable" or "reliable." Authentic trust requires commitments made and commitments honored. It necessitates decision, action, and response.

6. Trust is conditional.
There are limits and conditions with authentic trust. When we say we trust someone, there is a presumed statement of conditionality. I may trust my mechanic to work on my car, but I don't trust him to do my root canal.

7. To get trust you must give it.
If you want to be trusted you must first give trust. You may be loveable, but that won't get you love - loving will. Sharing, not hoarding information gets you communication, and respect comes by respecting others. As a relationship process, authentic trust is no different. Contrary to popular belief, trust is not earned. You start trust by giving trust.

Authentic trust, like love, is cultivated, grown, and nurtured. We make authentic trust. We make it by what we do and how we do it. We make it by what we say and how we say it. We make it by showing up and being authentic. We make it by giving it away.


The article is adapted from my book, Hitting Your Stride: Your Work, Your Work.

***

Source:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/trust-the-new-workplace-currency/201112/7-misunderstood-truths-about-workplace-trust

Master's Touch - a poem (by lyla)

Every now and again i like to dabble in a bit of poetry. This particular one i wrote for my Master a few years ago, shortly after recieving my training collar. He was away on a trip.

Master's Touch

The night seems endless
As I toss and I turn
This fire inside me continues to burn.

A thirst that is quenchless
A need that won’t cease
For only Your touch, Sir
Can afford me some peace.

Life’s storm rages on
Contained in my head
Night after night as I lie in my bed.

The scent of Your skin
The sound of Your voice
For only Your touch, Sir
Can quiet the noise.

The night seems long
And endless my plight
For only Your touch, Sir
Can make it all right.

In such a short time
You’ve taken control
Of my heart and mind
Of my body and soul.

Kneeling I await
Your swift return
I want, I need
I lust, I yearn.

Please tell me soon
You’ll return to me

For only Your touch, Sir
Can set this girl free.