I have been thinking about the differences between them. This certainly won't cover all the differences but I want to look at selfishness and selflessness.
A submissive will like a Dominant who uses her or him for their pleasure. That is easy to understand but does that mean a Dominant has to be selfish? I don't think so but they should be aware of their desires. Think about a Dominant who is selfish; only their needs would really count. They would make demands upon their submissive which had nothing to do for the sub's welfare. The doormat submissive may not care as their low self-esteem would welcome any attention. A vulnerable submissive may tolerate this for a period but would hopefully eventually begin to assess their real situation.
A non-selfish Dominant will find a way to use their submissive for their pleasure without exploiting them. A novice Dominant will find this harder as one has to find the correct balance. A good nurturing Dom will not make undue demands upon their submissive. They will give them time to grow within the relationship and not rush. They will nurture the submissive for who they are not what they can provide to them.
In this way I think Dominants and submissives can avoid selfishness with each. When a Dominant is truly nurturing their submissive then they will happily surrender themselves to the Dominant knowing that they will develop a deep and meaningful connection between the two.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
The Ds Academy is wonderful because…… ( by Zano)
Well I do not hang out there much as there is not a good place on the Sim for that. But it is the most fulfilling group on my list. Most of the classes are serious and the participants often make great and challenging points.
I have made a lot of good friends there and brought people there. It is a place where I can exchange views and thoughts openly and if people disagree it will be done with Respect. The three people I am closest to are at the Ds Academy. They know who I am and I can speak freely to them about anything.
So does anyone else agree and why? If not why not?
Does the sub maketh the Dom or the Dom maketh the sub? (by Zano)
This is a nice theoretical sort of question. We all know that when we are with someone our confidence soars and when we lose someone we suffer a drop. But a Dominant or a submissive are who they are and should not be dependent on an appendage for validation. At times it can be hard to feel that as we all need attention of someone else.
Alone, I may be lonely but I am every bit as real. For me in theses situations my strength comes to the top for all I have is me (and my close friends of course). Dominance or submission is being true to our natures. It needs no external validation. It enables us to speak our views and by this I do not mean by imposing them on others at all times but by expressing them in appropriate ways at the right time.
I will finish by telling you a true story of a vanilla event that happened today. It was our annual staff meeting which is the only chance that our staff get to all meet together. As an area manager I have to report on the work of my team. I would love to wear a suit but it sets the wrong tone in our service so I don’t which is a shame.
I don’t really like these reports and I had the whole morning to rehearse it and I thought about how I could spice it up. I was last to go. I stood up kicking my empty coffee cup across the floor with a clatter. A half pace to the left and my elbow bashed my line manager in the back of the head. What a start!
I got to the front and the only two parts of my mental rehearsal was that I stood up unlike the others and I moved around a restricted area as I made my points. I did not use technology; no Powerpoint. Just my notes and my voice. I was not responsible for the agenda of the meeting, nor the layout of the room but for 9 minutes I held that room. They did not know it but I was in full Dominant mode. I often give talks and often I see people following my words closely but today I was in the zone, I was the Dominant.
My point is once a Dom, always a Dom. That is even true when apologising or being lectured by a boss. Just because you have to ‘submit’ to authority at times does not stop one being a Dominant. The same is true of submissives, they are validated by their feelings and not by a Dominant.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Confessions of a Switch #4 (by Dece)
By: Decembredemetra Resident (currently BlaiseyDecembre Resident)
*~* Confession #4 *~*
Switches ARE Switches. Switches are SWITCHES.
Again, this may feel like a cheat confession, or another "Duh" moment, but I feel like this needs to be said after something that I managed to mention in my last blog. Let me quote it so that you know what I'm referring to first:
So often (more often than not, unfortunately) what I see is this: A Switch who is mostly submissive (or even one who isn't) is collared to a Dominant. Now this Dominant knows that the Switch is a Switch and, as such, should know that he/she needs to feel both sides of the D/s equation. But all they see is the submissive side... the side that desires Their Dominance over them... the side that aches and yearns to please them to the best of their ability, and suddenly the Dominant begins to think that having *only* that will make the Switch happy.One of the most important things to remember when you're dealing with a Switch is that Switches ARE Switches. It is in our nature... it is who we are and what we need. We need to Switch (see Confession #3). Yes, as a collared Switch, we can be happy in serving that Dominant, but we still need to be a Top in certain instances. It's the nature of being a Switch. It's the very basic foundation of who we are in our chosen role. A Switch is just that... a Switch. There is no Dominant that can make us only submissive and no submissive that can make us only Dominant (that's provided that the Switch is *truly* a Switch in the first place).
I believe that sometimes Dominants and submissives do this on purpose, thinking that they are the ones that can break us out of our shell and make us realize what we want. (This goes back to Confession #2 in that some people hold the idea that Switches are just confused and don't know what we truly want. This is, once again, quite the opposite of what is true. We know EXACTLY what we want. *Giggles*) I don't know if it's an ego thing or just that desire to be the one person that someone truly needs to be happy... and I'm sure it's different for different people.
On the other hand, there are times that this forcing to be one way or the other is completely unintentional, perhaps springing from that same desire mentioned earlier: I believe that every human being has that innate desire to want to be the one person that makes someone truly happy. I believe it's human nature. Now, there are those that get involved in poly relationships, but they have developed in their nature to be able to open up and find joy in the fact that they can make multiple people happy and love them just as equally as the others. Poly is a completely different story, but I wanted to mention it because of my statement about human nature. Basically covering my bases.
I really hope this has made sense. If a Switch is truly a Switch, then they need both sides. Period. End of story. A Switch is not a Dominant. A Switch is not a submissive. And so, Confession #4: Switches ARE Switches. Switches are SWITCHES.
In submission, Dominance, service, and love:
Dece
Promoted to Dominant? (by Meadow)
Once, a long time ago, I had a conversation with a soon to be ex lover. I was still in the closet. She was politically opposed to D/s, and when I said “but what - theoretically, of course - if it just feels right?” she stated that she would not discuss that topic until I had read the feminist literature debating it.
Needless to say, it was a short relationship . The point of the story, however, is what I see as the difference between a “lifestyle” as a political or social stance versus living one’s truth.
For me, what comes first is the experience, the knowing. My submission and my kinkiness is not a political statement, nor a lifestyle choice. What’s a choice is whether to deny it or honor it.
Words, debates, definitions . . . that all comes later, after the fact. It’s like Marge Piercy says about art in her poem For The Young Who Want To: “Talent is an invention, like phlogiston / after the fact of fire.”
I think of this as the “born this way” model of how D/s works.
So, given this, I find I am puzzled and a little alienated by the concept of a person “working their way up through the ranks” of D/s, being a submissive as an entry level position, (pun intended), and eventually being “promoted” to Dominant.
To me, the “promotion” concept implies both that the power exchange roles are just that - roles to be assumed, not truths to be lived - and that submission is a transitory and lower stage of development.
However, the “promotion” model satisfies many intelligent caring people, and suits their experience of power exchange. Others find this a respectful and gratifying way to live their D/s, and I’m certainly not interested in dissing others’ experiences.
I am left with this question: are we looking at two different and incompatible ideas of how D/s works, here, between the “born this way” model and the “promotion” paradigm? Or is the difference merely semantics? I would welcome others’ thoughts on this.
Meadow Theas
Ryn’s kajira
Needless to say, it was a short relationship . The point of the story, however, is what I see as the difference between a “lifestyle” as a political or social stance versus living one’s truth.
For me, what comes first is the experience, the knowing. My submission and my kinkiness is not a political statement, nor a lifestyle choice. What’s a choice is whether to deny it or honor it.
Words, debates, definitions . . . that all comes later, after the fact. It’s like Marge Piercy says about art in her poem For The Young Who Want To: “Talent is an invention, like phlogiston / after the fact of fire.”
I think of this as the “born this way” model of how D/s works.
So, given this, I find I am puzzled and a little alienated by the concept of a person “working their way up through the ranks” of D/s, being a submissive as an entry level position, (pun intended), and eventually being “promoted” to Dominant.
To me, the “promotion” concept implies both that the power exchange roles are just that - roles to be assumed, not truths to be lived - and that submission is a transitory and lower stage of development.
However, the “promotion” model satisfies many intelligent caring people, and suits their experience of power exchange. Others find this a respectful and gratifying way to live their D/s, and I’m certainly not interested in dissing others’ experiences.
I am left with this question: are we looking at two different and incompatible ideas of how D/s works, here, between the “born this way” model and the “promotion” paradigm? Or is the difference merely semantics? I would welcome others’ thoughts on this.
Meadow Theas
Ryn’s kajira
Sunday, November 20, 2011
D/s Academy Events ~ Week: 11/21 - 11/27/2011 ~
1. Monday 11/21/2011
1.1 time: 7 pm SLT (9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern, 4 am CET)
type of event: Discussion (text)
subject: TBD
host: Genny Clary
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2. TUESDAY 11/22/2011
2.1 time: time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: D Lounge - Dom/mes only Discussion/Chat
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
3. WEDNESDAY 11/23/2011
3.1 time: 10 am SLT (12 pm Central, 1 pm Eastern, 7 pm CET)
type of event: submissive field trip (no Dom/mes allowed, sorry ;-)
host: Jaymie Melody
Meeting point: Welcome Area, D/S Academy, Respect
3.2 time: 11 am SLT (1 pm Central, 2 pm Eastern, 8 pm CET)
type of event: Beginners lecture
subject: TBD
host: TBD
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4. THURSDAY 11/24/2011
4.1 time: 3 pm SLT (5 pm Central, 6 pm Eastern, 12 am CET)
type of event: sub Cafe
subject: Chat/Discussion for submissives only
host: star Modan
location: subs Haven skysphere, Respect
5. FRIDAY 11/25/2011
5.1 time: 12 pm SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
type of event: Munch (voice/text)
subject: Open Chat, meet old and possibly new friends and fellow lifestylers
host: Azurianna Saxondale
location: Welcome Area, D/s academy, Respect
5.2 time: 6 pm SLT (8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern, 3 am CET)
type of event: Switch lecture
subject: TBD
host: BlaiseyDecembre
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
6. SATURDAY 11/26/2011
6.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lifestyle Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
7. SUNDAY 11/27/2011
7.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Kaddan Yue
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
Have a kinky week !
1.1 time: 7 pm SLT (9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern, 4 am CET)
type of event: Discussion (text)
subject: TBD
host: Genny Clary
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2. TUESDAY 11/22/2011
2.1 time: time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: D Lounge - Dom/mes only Discussion/Chat
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
3. WEDNESDAY 11/23/2011
3.1 time: 10 am SLT (12 pm Central, 1 pm Eastern, 7 pm CET)
type of event: submissive field trip (no Dom/mes allowed, sorry ;-)
host: Jaymie Melody
Meeting point: Welcome Area, D/S Academy, Respect
3.2 time: 11 am SLT (1 pm Central, 2 pm Eastern, 8 pm CET)
type of event: Beginners lecture
subject: TBD
host: TBD
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4. THURSDAY 11/24/2011
4.1 time: 3 pm SLT (5 pm Central, 6 pm Eastern, 12 am CET)
type of event: sub Cafe
subject: Chat/Discussion for submissives only
host: star Modan
location: subs Haven skysphere, Respect
5. FRIDAY 11/25/2011
5.1 time: 12 pm SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
type of event: Munch (voice/text)
subject: Open Chat, meet old and possibly new friends and fellow lifestylers
host: Azurianna Saxondale
location: Welcome Area, D/s academy, Respect
5.2 time: 6 pm SLT (8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern, 3 am CET)
type of event: Switch lecture
subject: TBD
host: BlaiseyDecembre
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
6. SATURDAY 11/26/2011
6.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lifestyle Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
7. SUNDAY 11/27/2011
7.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Kaddan Yue
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
Have a kinky week !
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The new ADULT HUB for Secondlife (by mirjam)
I am proud to present a brandnew info on new developments in Second Life's ADULT LIFE to You today. On Monday, November 14th 2011, the new Adult Hub opened (the former adult hub for SL was on Zindra mainland but it did not bring as output what Linden Labs had hoped to achieve by it). Preparations are still being done and people are busy working on the Adult HUB SIMs to make the experience for the future users of the HUB best as possible. The official launch date for the Adult HUB is announced for December 2nd 2011.
Linden Labs had put out a tender a few months ago asking for residents to present proposals to make a new way of helping people who do not nessesarily know what adult services and activites are avallable in Second Life. The bid run by the Freedom Continent was successful.
So please, if You are meeting more newbie avatars and/or people new to BDSM and/or more people with questions on one of the Freedom Continent SIMs - such as the D/s academy's SIM Respect - in future, don't be surprised and be aware they might have come over from the new Adult HUB SIMs that are locally close on the GRID. It would be awesome if You could help these people further.
The new Adult Hub will be the place where people who are doing searches for adult-themed communities and content will be redirected to in SL. The Adult Hub will serve as an information center which will be staffed with both volunteers and paid greeters to assist new people to SL, and new to Adult themed content in SL, find what they are looking for in SL. Help from how to set up the avatar, change clothes, get viewer setting rights and such to how to where to find speciality SIMs (educational sims, leisure time fun stuff, adult-themed, general SL events, etc).
The current Adult hub consists of 5 sims. The central Hub is for all aspects of Adult life in a little detail and to direct people to one of the 4 further surrounding Sims depending on what they wish to know.
HERE IS THE SLURL:
http://slurl.com/secondlife/
The four other HUB Sims around the center SIM are the CARP/Roleplay hub, the Sex hub, the Gor/Medieval hub and the BDSM/Fetish hub. Each of the sims represents and focuses on their own area of the adult life in second life.
The staff of the hubs are required to provide information about the topic of the HUB Sim that they work in, be it from personal experiance, academic knowledge, notecards and boards that will be on the Sims, right down to direction people to other adult Sims in Second Life where they can find out more information or the adult experience that they wish.
CURRENTLY GREETERS ARE BEING HIRED TO WORK ON ONE OF THE ADULT HUB SIMs, they will be paid 25 L$ per hour. If You are interested to work at the Adult HUB and help adult users of SL, then please apply by sending a notecard to Naaman McMahon. A few members of the D/s academy are already working at the Adult HUB.
Sims are not required to join the Freedom Continent at the location of the new Adult HUB to be recognised by the HUB as this is for the whole of the adult world in second life, not a handful.
We hope that the new adult HUB will help keep our adult communities growing and help newcomers find a positive support system and resources.
If you have any questions, please contact Mirjam Munro, Sidius Core, Naaman Mcmahon, JeZeBeLe Dagger, or Jovial Denimore. The main responsible person for the Adult HUB is Serjourn Daxter, the head manager of the Freedom Continent.
Many thanks to Naaman McMahon and Jovial Denimore for providing the major parts of this information text.
Interesting related links to read:
http://sl.governormarley.com/?p=1565#more-1565
http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Adult_Content_User_Group/11/14/2011
http://modemworld.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/freedom-continent-develop-adult-hubs/
http://blog.nalates.net/2011/11/09/sl-adult-content-week-45/
Enjoy Your adult SL experience and come explore the new ADULT HUB,
Mirjam Munro
D/s academy director
ACES Facilitator
Member of the Freedom Continent Director's Board
Staff of the Adult HUB
Linden Labs had put out a tender a few months ago asking for residents to present proposals to make a new way of helping people who do not nessesarily know what adult services and activites are avallable in Second Life. The bid run by the Freedom Continent was successful.
So please, if You are meeting more newbie avatars and/or people new to BDSM and/or more people with questions on one of the Freedom Continent SIMs - such as the D/s academy's SIM Respect - in future, don't be surprised and be aware they might have come over from the new Adult HUB SIMs that are locally close on the GRID. It would be awesome if You could help these people further.
The new Adult Hub will be the place where people who are doing searches for adult-themed communities and content will be redirected to in SL. The Adult Hub will serve as an information center which will be staffed with both volunteers and paid greeters to assist new people to SL, and new to Adult themed content in SL, find what they are looking for in SL. Help from how to set up the avatar, change clothes, get viewer setting rights and such to how to where to find speciality SIMs (educational sims, leisure time fun stuff, adult-themed, general SL events, etc).
The current Adult hub consists of 5 sims. The central Hub is for all aspects of Adult life in a little detail and to direct people to one of the 4 further surrounding Sims depending on what they wish to know.
HERE IS THE SLURL:
http://slurl.com/secondlife/
The four other HUB Sims around the center SIM are the CARP/Roleplay hub, the Sex hub, the Gor/Medieval hub and the BDSM/Fetish hub. Each of the sims represents and focuses on their own area of the adult life in second life.
The staff of the hubs are required to provide information about the topic of the HUB Sim that they work in, be it from personal experiance, academic knowledge, notecards and boards that will be on the Sims, right down to direction people to other adult Sims in Second Life where they can find out more information or the adult experience that they wish.
CURRENTLY GREETERS ARE BEING HIRED TO WORK ON ONE OF THE ADULT HUB SIMs, they will be paid 25 L$ per hour. If You are interested to work at the Adult HUB and help adult users of SL, then please apply by sending a notecard to Naaman McMahon. A few members of the D/s academy are already working at the Adult HUB.
Sims are not required to join the Freedom Continent at the location of the new Adult HUB to be recognised by the HUB as this is for the whole of the adult world in second life, not a handful.
We hope that the new adult HUB will help keep our adult communities growing and help newcomers find a positive support system and resources.
If you have any questions, please contact Mirjam Munro, Sidius Core, Naaman Mcmahon, JeZeBeLe Dagger, or Jovial Denimore. The main responsible person for the Adult HUB is Serjourn Daxter, the head manager of the Freedom Continent.
Many thanks to Naaman McMahon and Jovial Denimore for providing the major parts of this information text.
Interesting related links to read:
http://sl.governormarley.com/?p=1565#more-1565
http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Adult_Content_User_Group/11/14/2011
http://modemworld.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/freedom-continent-develop-adult-hubs/
http://blog.nalates.net/2011/11/09/sl-adult-content-week-45/
Enjoy Your adult SL experience and come explore the new ADULT HUB,
Mirjam Munro
D/s academy director
ACES Facilitator
Member of the Freedom Continent Director's Board
Staff of the Adult HUB
Monday, November 14, 2011
Confessions of a Switch #3 (by Dece)
By: Decembredemetra Resident (currently BlaiseyDecembre Resident)
*~* Confession #3 *~*
Switches NEED to Switch.
Some of you might think I'm taking the easy way out with this confession, and when I first started expressing this idea to people, I thought it was a pretty "Duh!" kind of statement. But the more I interact with people and the more I get to know them and they get to know me, the more I find that sometimes Switches are asked to compromise one side of themselves in order to please someone else, be it a Dominant or submissive that they are exploring with. Monogamy can exist for Switches, but it is a bit of a... special case kind of monogamy. That's what I hope to address in this post and clarify a few points for some of you that may be curious.
First of all, as the confession stated, Switches NEED to Switch... that's what makes us different from Dominants and submissives. Not only can Switches understand and embrace both paths of the D/s Lifestyle, they simply need the presence of both in their lives. It's what we thrive on. Just as Dominants *need* to feel however Topping makes them feel (I'm of the school of thought that it's different for everyone, whether it be empowered, strong, 'macho', everyone gets different feelings out of it) and submissives *need* to feel however bottoming makes them fee, Switches *need* both sides of this coin. Now, how much they need of each can vary from person to person. Not every Switch is 50/50... far from it.
What I mean is that Switching seems to work on a sliding scale. You can have Switches that are 10% Dominant and 90% submissive... you can have Switches that are 10% submissive and 90% Dominants... and you can have anything and everything in between. Myself, I tend to be 80/20 submissive to Dominant, so I need to feel submissive most of the time. People see me acting in more of a submissive manner and assume I can be happy with just that. While I'm 80/20, there's still that 20% of me that is Dominant and needs to feel how Topping someone makes me feel. That might not seem much in comparison to the 80% of me that is submissive, but 20% is still 1/5th. (Yay for a Math lesson!) It's still a significant part of myself and my nature. Some people don't understand this.
So often (more often than not, unfortunately) what I see is this: A Switch who is mostly submissive (or even one who isn't) is collared to a Dominant. Now this Dominant knows that the Switch is a Switch and, as such, should know that he/she needs to feel both sides of the D/s equation. But all they see is the submissive side... the side that desires Their Dominance over them... the side that aches and yearns to please them to the best of their ability, and suddenly the Dominant begins to think that having *only* that will make the Switch happy. They completely forget about the side of him/her that needs to Top, and they outright ignore and deny requests to be able to do so. After all, in the eyes of the Dominant this Switch has now become a submissive, and shouldn't need that other side of feel happy. Dominants lost sight of their Switch's needs to Top because they are submissive to Them... and easy thing to do, but very hazardous to the relationship. Dominants, my advice to You is to always remember who Your Switch is, and listen to him/her when they are requesting that their other needs be met. You cannot have a happy, healthy relationship if all the needs of the BOTH of you are not being met. *Slips off her soapbox*
One other thing... a bit of a sub-confession... that goes along with this idea is that a Switch can be monogamous, even with their need to Switch... but it is a bit of a 'special' form of monogamy. While Switches might not be monogamous in the sense that they only play with one person, they can still honor their relationships and be monogamous within them. What I mean is, take me for example again, I am monogamous within my roles. If I submit to a Dominant, then I bottom to no other. That is my Dominant and I am *His* and *His* alone... no others will Top me. Period. I may seek out a casual bottom to play with, in order to satisfy my need to Top, but I will not submit or bottom to anyone else, because I am monogamous to my Dominant. Good lord I hope that made sense. *Giggles*
I think I'll touch on monogamy a bit more in a later confession, so consider that a taste of what is to come. But for now, I'll leave You with Confession #3: Switches NEED to Switch.
In submission, Dominance, service, and love:
Dece
Discipline for the Dom/me (by Mysteri)
Thought that title would get your attention a bit.
For the most part though, we think of discipline as being the corporal type when it comes to D/s but in essence, we all know that discipline can be your own self-discipline on many levels. Spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally... even financial discipline is almost always a very strong trait to what "I" find as a good dominate.
Disciplining one's self to maintain a natural control in their life is and should be an obvious natural thing for them. Are they good with their money, do they require emotional ego stroking regularly, physically do they do their best to maintain themselves and how do they find a spiritual balance with themselves and their own faith? All of these should be fairly obvious to you in the first few conversations.
One sign that some Dominates are not being up front, or otherwise, giving you all the details is their in ability to give more than just vague answers. Of course, we don't expect them to give details of their financial goings on, but at least be able to find out where their beliefs are, education and other items from their history is a great way to see how well they take on a project and keep with it.
Perhaps in Second Life, we don't require knowing all of those items are maintained well, but getting to know the human behind the avatar is what I have always been about. Avatar's are the extension of one's self with a few tweaks to bring ourselves to a much more visually appealing and corporeal feeling of "what-we-should-have-been-like-if-we-had-a-choice" scenario.
Ultimately though, the thought process here is that a Master can only Master another after they master themselves. Being able to discipline themselves effectively and how they do it is a wonderful way to see how they will fit into your world as your Dominate.
I hope this gives insight as to how I perceive things, but of course, this is only one opinion... I encourage other's to help identify their 'key' traits to a perfect match.
For the most part though, we think of discipline as being the corporal type when it comes to D/s but in essence, we all know that discipline can be your own self-discipline on many levels. Spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally... even financial discipline is almost always a very strong trait to what "I" find as a good dominate.
Disciplining one's self to maintain a natural control in their life is and should be an obvious natural thing for them. Are they good with their money, do they require emotional ego stroking regularly, physically do they do their best to maintain themselves and how do they find a spiritual balance with themselves and their own faith? All of these should be fairly obvious to you in the first few conversations.
One sign that some Dominates are not being up front, or otherwise, giving you all the details is their in ability to give more than just vague answers. Of course, we don't expect them to give details of their financial goings on, but at least be able to find out where their beliefs are, education and other items from their history is a great way to see how well they take on a project and keep with it.
Perhaps in Second Life, we don't require knowing all of those items are maintained well, but getting to know the human behind the avatar is what I have always been about. Avatar's are the extension of one's self with a few tweaks to bring ourselves to a much more visually appealing and corporeal feeling of "what-we-should-have-been-like-if-we-had-a-choice" scenario.
Ultimately though, the thought process here is that a Master can only Master another after they master themselves. Being able to discipline themselves effectively and how they do it is a wonderful way to see how they will fit into your world as your Dominate.
I hope this gives insight as to how I perceive things, but of course, this is only one opinion... I encourage other's to help identify their 'key' traits to a perfect match.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
D/s Academy Events ~ Week: 11/14 - 11/20/2011 ~
1. Monday 11/14/2011
1.1 time: 7 pm SLT (9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern, 4 am CET)
type of event: Discussion (text)
subject: TBD
host: Genny Clary
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2. TUESDAY 11/15/2011
2.1 time: time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: D Lounge - Dom/mes only Discussion/Chat
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2.2 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: sub Cafe
subject: Chat/Discussion for submissives only
host: Spankichu Barbecue
location: subs Haven skysphere, Respect
3. WEDNESDAY 11/16/2011
3.1 time: 10 am SLT (12 pm Central, 1 pm Eastern, 7 pm CET)
type of event: submissive field trip (no Dom/mes allowed, sorry ;-)
host: Jaymie Melody
Meeting point: Welcome Area, D/S Academy, Respect
3.2 time: 11 am SLT (1 pm Central, 2 pm Eastern, 8 pm CET)
type of event: Beginners lecture (voice)
subject: TBD
host: Mirjam Munro
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4. THURSDAY 11/17/2011
4.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lecture/Class (text)
subject: Internal enslavement - Part 8 "Obstacles to Enslavement"
host: Mirjam Munro
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4.2 time: 5 pm SLT (7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern, 2 am CET)
type of event: sub Cafe
subject: Chat/Discussion for submissives only
host: kimmie Claridge
location: subs Haven skysphere, Respect
5. FRIDAY 11/18/2011
5.1 time: 12 pm SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
type of event: Munch (voice/text)
subject: Open Chat, meet old and possibly new friends and fellow lifestylers
host: Azurianna Saxondale
location: Welcome Area, D/s academy, Respect
6. SATURDAY 11/19/2011
6.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lifestyle Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
7. SUNDAY 11/20/2011
7.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Kaddan Yue
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
Have a great and kinky week !
Trinity
1.1 time: 7 pm SLT (9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern, 4 am CET)
type of event: Discussion (text)
subject: TBD
host: Genny Clary
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2. TUESDAY 11/15/2011
2.1 time: time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: D Lounge - Dom/mes only Discussion/Chat
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2.2 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: sub Cafe
subject: Chat/Discussion for submissives only
host: Spankichu Barbecue
location: subs Haven skysphere, Respect
3. WEDNESDAY 11/16/2011
3.1 time: 10 am SLT (12 pm Central, 1 pm Eastern, 7 pm CET)
type of event: submissive field trip (no Dom/mes allowed, sorry ;-)
host: Jaymie Melody
Meeting point: Welcome Area, D/S Academy, Respect
3.2 time: 11 am SLT (1 pm Central, 2 pm Eastern, 8 pm CET)
type of event: Beginners lecture (voice)
subject: TBD
host: Mirjam Munro
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4. THURSDAY 11/17/2011
4.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lecture/Class (text)
subject: Internal enslavement - Part 8 "Obstacles to Enslavement"
host: Mirjam Munro
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4.2 time: 5 pm SLT (7 pm Central, 8 pm Eastern, 2 am CET)
type of event: sub Cafe
subject: Chat/Discussion for submissives only
host: kimmie Claridge
location: subs Haven skysphere, Respect
5. FRIDAY 11/18/2011
5.1 time: 12 pm SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
type of event: Munch (voice/text)
subject: Open Chat, meet old and possibly new friends and fellow lifestylers
host: Azurianna Saxondale
location: Welcome Area, D/s academy, Respect
6. SATURDAY 11/19/2011
6.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lifestyle Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
7. SUNDAY 11/20/2011
7.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Kaddan Yue
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
Have a great and kinky week !
Trinity
Confidence and Control (by Zano)
I want to write about these together as I have been thinking a lot about them recently. Also Mirjam has just done a thought provoking discussion on control. Mostly I will write about confidence as I do not wish to get too heavily into control but they are interrelated in the Ds context. Confidence will feed a Dominant’s level of control. It is written from my point of view and from the point of view that what I do in SL goes out into the real world as that is the way you are.
While it is written from my perspective that does not mean a submissive cannot comment on it.
I have realised that control in a Ds relationship is not a set of rules that are blindly followed. Part of it is a framework of control that outlines the Dominant’s expectations of the submissive. It should be simple enough that it can be monitored but comprehensive enough that it leaves the submissive with a knowledge that she and her behaviour are important to the Dominant.
Once a relationship deepens control can be everywhere. This does not mean that the submissive becomes a robot with no mind. It does mean that they know what their boundaries are, what the expectations of them are, what parts of their lives they can run themselves (within the guidelines they operate under) and how the unexpected can be dealt with. Some may think this is micro-management but to my mind this prevents the need for micro-management as even when the submissive is not actively been controlled that the control is still there.
Confidence is the lubrication that keeps the control dynamic working smoothly. Confidence is a state of knowing that your orders will be obeyed and that your control is in place with respect to your Ds relationship and life generally. When these exist everything goes better.
In life success breeds confidence. Remember if your submissive is with you that is a positive sign and take confidence from it. They wish to be with so you are doing something right. Your control over them is being tacitly approved. How it develops is in the hands of the Dominant.
If one is a novice Dominant, the chances are, that it is your desire that is fuelling your confidence as is nothing in the vanilla world that approves this lifestyle. You may well have had some positive Ds experiences but if you are feeling serious about your submissive your nerves are probably kicking in. So if success breeds confidence what do we do?
There are a variety of things that we can do and hopefully you can add to my list.
Go to local munches. You won’t learn any techniques or much in the way of etiquette (at least in my experience) but you will be interacting around people in the lifestyle. Knowing that one is not a freak (if you still worry about it) is a positive experience.
There are also fetish clubs and workshops which will teach you techniques of play but also you will learn how to take command of a submissive during an activity. This is just one aspect of building control but useful. You may still feel a little nervous in this situation and that is just normal. I worked with a former army sergeant for ten years and he was always in command but he told me that when he enlisted he was just a nervous kid and his ability control needed development.
Another thing you can do is ‘play’ with or without any emotional involvement. This can be done online or in RL. This does not have to be sexual. It is just an opportunity to practice control and technique. For some this may not work so well as our desire for control is driven by our emotions.
My final suggestion is affirmation. I had this inflicted on me at work once. The idea was that if we all embraced positive thoughts about success about work activities it would help until it became second nature. At the time I was not so convinced especially as in most work situations there is a lot of competition going and ‘political’ manoeuvring. So really there was too much friction there for it to be a positive management tool.
However a submissive is a willing accomplice in your designs and we have a situation where it can work. This is how it works. Relax yourself, close your eyes and lose all distractions. Gradually begin to focus on what you will do next when you meet with your submissive. Think about one thing at a time and play it through in your mind. Try and feel it happen. When I do this I am right there in the meeting. It becomes very real for me. Do this a number of times, do it everyday until you meet or next play . If there are things you can do in voice or in SL then do them. This demonstrates your desire, your need and ACTUAL control.
But if affirmation is all you have you are not in control. It is only a confidence building technique. It is not reality. The situation you meet in, even if a place you know well, will be different to how you plan and imagine it. Therefore you should be capable of modifying your affirmed fantasy to the real situation.
These thoughts are a work in progress and I look forward to your opinions.
Monday, November 7, 2011
D/s academy events ~ week: 11/07 - 11/13/2011 ~
1. Monday 11/07/2011
1.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 am CET)
type of event: Kinky Book Club
subject: "Venus in Furs"
host: Kitten Kaos
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
1.2 time: 7 pm SLT (9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern, 4 am CET)
type of event: Discussion (text)
subject: TBD
host: Genny Clary
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2. TUESDAY 11/08/2011
2.1 time: 10 am SLT (12 pm Central, 1 pm Eastern, 7 am CET)
type of event: Questions & Answers
subject: "Puppy Play"
host: Shyann Davi
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2.1 time: time: 12 pm SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
type of event: D Lounge - Dom/mes only Discussion/Chat
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
3. WEDNESDAY 11/09/2011
3.1 time: 10 am SLT (12 pm Central, 1 pm Eastern, 7 pm CET)
type of event: submissive field trip (no Dom/mes allowed, sorry ;-)
host: Jaymie Melody
Meeting point: Welcome Area, D/S Academy, Respect
3.2 time: 11 am SLT (1 pm Central, 2 pm Eastern, 8 pm CET)
type of event: Beginners lecture (text)
subject: "Introduction to Sadomasochism"
host: Mirjam Munro
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4. THURSDAY 11/10/2011
4.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lecture/Class (text)
subject: Internal enslavement - Part 8 "Obstacles to Enslavement"
host: Mirjam Munro
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4.1 time: 3 pm SLT (5 pm Central, 6 pm Eastern, 12 am CET)
type of event: sub Cafe
subject: Chat/Discussion for submissives only
host: star Modan
location: subs Haven skysphere, Respect
5. FRIDAY 11/11/2011
5.1 time: 12 pm SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
type of event: Munch (voice/text)
subject: Open Chat, meet old and possibly new friends and fellow lifestylers
host: Azurianna Saxondale
location: Welcome Area, D/s academy, Respect
6. SATURDAY 11/12/2011
6.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lifestyle Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
7. SUNDAY 11/13/2011
7.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Kaddan Yue
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
Have a great and kinky week !
Trinity
1.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 am CET)
type of event: Kinky Book Club
subject: "Venus in Furs"
host: Kitten Kaos
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
1.2 time: 7 pm SLT (9 pm Central, 10 pm Eastern, 4 am CET)
type of event: Discussion (text)
subject: TBD
host: Genny Clary
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2. TUESDAY 11/08/2011
2.1 time: 10 am SLT (12 pm Central, 1 pm Eastern, 7 am CET)
type of event: Questions & Answers
subject: "Puppy Play"
host: Shyann Davi
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
2.1 time: time: 12 pm SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
type of event: D Lounge - Dom/mes only Discussion/Chat
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
3. WEDNESDAY 11/09/2011
3.1 time: 10 am SLT (12 pm Central, 1 pm Eastern, 7 pm CET)
type of event: submissive field trip (no Dom/mes allowed, sorry ;-)
host: Jaymie Melody
Meeting point: Welcome Area, D/S Academy, Respect
3.2 time: 11 am SLT (1 pm Central, 2 pm Eastern, 8 pm CET)
type of event: Beginners lecture (text)
subject: "Introduction to Sadomasochism"
host: Mirjam Munro
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4. THURSDAY 11/10/2011
4.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lecture/Class (text)
subject: Internal enslavement - Part 8 "Obstacles to Enslavement"
host: Mirjam Munro
location: Ancient Theatre, D/s academy, Respect
4.1 time: 3 pm SLT (5 pm Central, 6 pm Eastern, 12 am CET)
type of event: sub Cafe
subject: Chat/Discussion for submissives only
host: star Modan
location: subs Haven skysphere, Respect
5. FRIDAY 11/11/2011
5.1 time: 12 pm SLT (2 pm Central, 3 pm Eastern, 9 pm CET)
type of event: Munch (voice/text)
subject: Open Chat, meet old and possibly new friends and fellow lifestylers
host: Azurianna Saxondale
location: Welcome Area, D/s academy, Respect
6. SATURDAY 11/12/2011
6.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Lifestyle Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Zano Irata
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
7. SUNDAY 11/13/2011
7.1 time: 1 pm SLT (3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern, 10 pm CET)
type of event: Discussion (text/voice)
subject: TBD
host: Kaddan Yue
location: Castle Library, D/s academy, Respect
Have a great and kinky week !
Trinity
Holiday's? Already? (by Mysteri)
It seems after my favorite time of year, Autumn and Halloween, that the day after is this intense climb for our lives to be distracted by the Thanksgiving and Christmas bug. A bug, I try to avoid at times.
Being in SL thought, it is all around us. Christmas parties, friends leaving for Holiday to spend it with their real life families and friends and more. These are the times in which our time feels very divided and sometimes can be even lonely to some of us who rely so much on those friends in SL to get us through those hard times.
Each of us have a way to identify the time we spend alone or the "Holiday Blues" but few of us have found way's to over come them. I have, over the years given advice to many who might need that little bit of extra support and these are just a few ways to either distract us in real life or keep us active and out of trouble in SL.
Some of the things you might try are:
Real Life:
1) Visit a local charity and assist with their activities. There is nothing more explosive and tons of smiles brought to your face than providing assistance to underprivileged children and families. Especially during this time of year.
2) Find your nearest Veterans facility and offer a hand putting up Christmas lights or assisting those disabled and come home to provide a few lights in their life by decorating things that they are unable to. Families that are separated by their service to our company is common and this is the best time of year to be supportive and feel patriotic in your part.
3) Elderly are also left alone a lot of the times during this time of year. Here is when I knit up a few booties or even just some lap blankets with donated yarn to those who could just use something that might remind them of home. Giving them some joy in a small handcrafted item, weather it be decorating their room's in their facilities, to making a personal Christmas ornament of some sort. All of these types of things are appreciated by these people and they definitely are able to give us stories, wisdom and passion about our history.
Second Life:
1) Try your hand at one of the things that you have wanted to do... hosting, DJ'ing, helping gather sponsors for events or even some of the classes you have had to pass up because you just didn't have the time. Not everything stops in SL because people are on Holiday, they just slow down a bit, and those are always good times to pick up a new passion and learn it.
2) Write for your local magazine/blog. Of course we see a lot of blog entries but in this case, perhaps a creative story about Christmas, or even sharing your own Holiday memory to help the season be pleasant. I have to admit I have many of those stories and will be writing a few of my own this year.
3) Be adventurous... There is so much SL has to offer, and the sights during the holiday are even more of an adventure. Most sim's provide holiday decorations and turn their area's into Winter Wonderlands. This can be quite an adventure that might give you other ideas to feed your time in SL during the Holidays and make it productive and memorable.
In my case, I do try and balance the Real Life with the Second Life. This is important so don't forget that even though you may not have family close by, your contact with your friends are sometimes just as important.
Happy Holidays to all and Bright Blessings,
Mysteri
Being in SL thought, it is all around us. Christmas parties, friends leaving for Holiday to spend it with their real life families and friends and more. These are the times in which our time feels very divided and sometimes can be even lonely to some of us who rely so much on those friends in SL to get us through those hard times.
Each of us have a way to identify the time we spend alone or the "Holiday Blues" but few of us have found way's to over come them. I have, over the years given advice to many who might need that little bit of extra support and these are just a few ways to either distract us in real life or keep us active and out of trouble in SL.
Some of the things you might try are:
Real Life:
1) Visit a local charity and assist with their activities. There is nothing more explosive and tons of smiles brought to your face than providing assistance to underprivileged children and families. Especially during this time of year.
2) Find your nearest Veterans facility and offer a hand putting up Christmas lights or assisting those disabled and come home to provide a few lights in their life by decorating things that they are unable to. Families that are separated by their service to our company is common and this is the best time of year to be supportive and feel patriotic in your part.
3) Elderly are also left alone a lot of the times during this time of year. Here is when I knit up a few booties or even just some lap blankets with donated yarn to those who could just use something that might remind them of home. Giving them some joy in a small handcrafted item, weather it be decorating their room's in their facilities, to making a personal Christmas ornament of some sort. All of these types of things are appreciated by these people and they definitely are able to give us stories, wisdom and passion about our history.
Second Life:
1) Try your hand at one of the things that you have wanted to do... hosting, DJ'ing, helping gather sponsors for events or even some of the classes you have had to pass up because you just didn't have the time. Not everything stops in SL because people are on Holiday, they just slow down a bit, and those are always good times to pick up a new passion and learn it.
2) Write for your local magazine/blog. Of course we see a lot of blog entries but in this case, perhaps a creative story about Christmas, or even sharing your own Holiday memory to help the season be pleasant. I have to admit I have many of those stories and will be writing a few of my own this year.
3) Be adventurous... There is so much SL has to offer, and the sights during the holiday are even more of an adventure. Most sim's provide holiday decorations and turn their area's into Winter Wonderlands. This can be quite an adventure that might give you other ideas to feed your time in SL during the Holidays and make it productive and memorable.
In my case, I do try and balance the Real Life with the Second Life. This is important so don't forget that even though you may not have family close by, your contact with your friends are sometimes just as important.
Happy Holidays to all and Bright Blessings,
Mysteri
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Confessions of a Switch #2 (by Dece)
By: Decembredemetra Resident (Dece)
*~* Confession #2 *~*
Switches are just as much an 'established' role as Dominants and submissives.
A lot of people I come across seem to view Switches just as a majority of society viewed bisexuals at one time or another: that we are greedy or don't know what we want, so we just take up both roles so that we can have everything or our "pick of the litter", so to speak. That's not it at ALL. Just as bisexuals will argue that they simply are attracted to both genders and that doesn't make them greedy at all, and that they know EXACTLY what they want, I feel that Switches are the same way. We know exactly what we want and what we *need*: We need both halves of the D/s equation in order to be completely happy and 'self-actualized' (to toss in a term from Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs).
It's not at all that we don't know what we want. I, once again, cannot speak for all Switches, as I do not know all of them personally, but I, myself, did a lot of soul searching to figure out just who I was in this lifestyle. I started out identifying as a submissive, and even was quoted at one point by a RL friend of mine saying, "Switchy women scare me." That was about a year and a half ago by now. And here I am, a year and a half later, just seven months 'out of the closet' as being a Switch, and I feel *so* much better and more fulfilled in my chosen role than I did before. It didn't come from a place of not knowing what I wanted or needed... just the opposite. I looked at myself as a submissive and just needed... more. I couldn't describe it, and I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew I needed more than what was currently possible in my life.
Switching is definitely not a decision one should make on a whim or as a matter of "this sounds like fun!" Both Topping and bottoming should be viewed with an equal level of seriousness, and should not be taken lightly at all. Sure, it's not all 'serious face' all the time, but when deciding upon what role in this Lifestyle 'fits' you, you definitely have to do more serious considering than anything else. You can't just put the roles on a dartboard, spin yourself around a throw a dart. "Well lookie there! I guess I'm a Switch!" Not taking your role seriously can be the breeding ground for hurting others and causing mistrust, and even perpetuating the harmful stereotypes about this lifestyle simply by not knowing what you're doing and being in no position to try and do it. I repeat, for the thousandth time, I'm sure, THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO TAKE LIGHTLY.
That being said, why would it be assumed that Switches don't give the same serious consideration to what path they should follow in this Lifestyle? Sometimes (and, again, I'm not saying *all* people react this way, because I know there are those that don't) it seems as though people view it as if Dominants and submissives do all the serious soul searching and Switches just sit around with our thumbs up our asses and pick something without any thought whatsoever. This idea is, frankly, insulting to me as a Switch who has spent the majority of the time I've been in the Lifestyle struggling with who I am and where I fit.
Again, I KNOW that not all Dominants and submissives view Switches in this light. A friend of mine, Dominant, and trusted confidant (whose name I will keep out of this for now) actually told me that He has a degree of respect for Switches. He examines His own chosen path in this Lifestyle and sees that it is enough of a challenge for Him, and it is His natural fit... the path He is supposed to be on. He has a certain degree of understanding for the submissive path, for every decent Dominant should at least understand submissives to a certain degree in order to interact with them properly and in the way that they need interacted with, but He knows that path is not for Him. He looks at Switches who not only understand both paths but *embrace* both paths and walk down a completely different path that holds the trials and tribulations of BOTH sides of the D/s equation and is, at times, amazed at our ability to do such. "More power to you," I believe is something He has said to me at one point, but I could be wrong.
It is this view that I wish on the whole of the BDSM Community. I (and other Switches, I'm sure) understand both paths of the D/s Lifestyle and respect those that choose one or the other, for I am of the firm belief that you can be nothing more or less than you are meant to be. You have your own personal fit in this Lifestyle, and you can *effectively* be no more and no less than that. You can always grow in your role, but unless it is that natural fit for you, that path you are meant to walk down, then your growth will always come to an end, a stagnant point that cannot resume until you find that path that is yours to truly take and make the most of. I understand this wholeheartedly. And for some it is that path of the Dominant, or that of the submissive. What I want and wish everyone else understood is that for others it is neither the path of the Dominant nor the submissive. It is the path of the Switch, and that is just a substantial of a role as the others.
So... Confession #2: Switches are just as much an 'established' role as Dominants and submissives.
In submission, Dominance, service, and love:
Dece
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
World in my eyes #2 (by Epic)
Greetings once again.
Today I was able to attend a lecture focusing on emergency self aftercare for the submissive. I found myself having a lot of inward focus listening to the lecture. In a nutshell, the topic is the submissives regrounding of themselves after a session with their dom, and to a more extreme sense, healing themselves after a bad scene or worse, being let go completely.
While listening to some of the subs speak, I looked back over the wonderful subs I myself have enjoyed. I wondered.. have I given them the care they needed? Am I a cause of this feeling in those I play with? Do I do enough to show my subs they are cared for and that they are important?
In all honesty these are not questions I myself can answer. Do I do enough? Of course! I am wonderfully well rounded, a shining example to other Masters, a king among men and the one true light to look upon! But... do I do enough?
*Cue somber music and a thoughtful look upon my face*
I believe one of the things that does elevate some over others is the ability to step down from your throne and realize you are accepting a lot of responsibility when you take the end of a leash. You are being entrusted with someone's open mindset and often times self worth. The games we play are quite fun indeed, but they are played with blades that can cut deep. It is quite easy to ignore the pain you may inflict when it does not show on the flesh. But, what of the deeper pain that comes from neglect?
Neglect! How dare I!? Well, yes. Neglect is exactly what it is. Failing to provide care after a scene is an exact example of neglect. You would not run your dog through rigorous training for a few hours then not allow it to feed. But we may expect the same high rigorous performance from our submissive, then not nourish their soul.
So I say to all my fellow doms out there, do be mindful of what you do. Do be good to your submissive. And most importantly, do your job correctly.
If I am going to be put up on a pedestal by my sub, and have them think the sun rises and sets on my ass, then I am damn well going to do all I can to live up to that.
And that, my friends, is the world in my eyes.
Until next time, try not to be an ass hat,
Epic
Today I was able to attend a lecture focusing on emergency self aftercare for the submissive. I found myself having a lot of inward focus listening to the lecture. In a nutshell, the topic is the submissives regrounding of themselves after a session with their dom, and to a more extreme sense, healing themselves after a bad scene or worse, being let go completely.
While listening to some of the subs speak, I looked back over the wonderful subs I myself have enjoyed. I wondered.. have I given them the care they needed? Am I a cause of this feeling in those I play with? Do I do enough to show my subs they are cared for and that they are important?
In all honesty these are not questions I myself can answer. Do I do enough? Of course! I am wonderfully well rounded, a shining example to other Masters, a king among men and the one true light to look upon! But... do I do enough?
*Cue somber music and a thoughtful look upon my face*
I believe one of the things that does elevate some over others is the ability to step down from your throne and realize you are accepting a lot of responsibility when you take the end of a leash. You are being entrusted with someone's open mindset and often times self worth. The games we play are quite fun indeed, but they are played with blades that can cut deep. It is quite easy to ignore the pain you may inflict when it does not show on the flesh. But, what of the deeper pain that comes from neglect?
Neglect! How dare I!? Well, yes. Neglect is exactly what it is. Failing to provide care after a scene is an exact example of neglect. You would not run your dog through rigorous training for a few hours then not allow it to feed. But we may expect the same high rigorous performance from our submissive, then not nourish their soul.
So I say to all my fellow doms out there, do be mindful of what you do. Do be good to your submissive. And most importantly, do your job correctly.
If I am going to be put up on a pedestal by my sub, and have them think the sun rises and sets on my ass, then I am damn well going to do all I can to live up to that.
And that, my friends, is the world in my eyes.
Until next time, try not to be an ass hat,
Epic
Segregation (by Meadow)
There are and have been an enormous number of sub-only events in SL, from support groups to shopping trips. The number of Dom/me-only events has been growing in recent years. It’s my sense that segregated discussions/support groups make up a substantial percentage of the total events held. I’ve been thinking about this phenomenon and have decided to share my thoughts here. I am speaking primarily about sub-only groups as those are the ones I have direct experience with. (And incidentally, I am not making any distinction between slaves and subs here, the phenomenon in my opinion applies evenly across the s-type spectrum.)
The reasons for a sub-only group, as I understand it, include the idea that subs will not feel as safe or as comfortable with Dom/mes present. For support groups, there is also the rationale that a sub can talk about his/her relationship with his/her Dom/me without experiencing the Dominant perspective.
What does it mean, if subs in general don’t feel safe and comfortable with Dom/mes in general? And what does it mean if subs don’t find the Dominant perspective as valid as the submissive one?
The most disturbing, to me, implication of value in segregation - at least from a sub group perspective - is that there is a real power differential in everyday life between those who self-identify as submissive and those who self-identify as Dominant. Not just a consensual power differential in a person’s submitted relationship, but a social power differential within the community.
The other implication comes out of that premise: that there is enough cultural difference between the submissive experience and the Dominant experience that we can’t understand each other well. Related to that is the possibility that segregated events carry the risk of encouraging the tendency for people to relate to each other primarily as roles, rather than as people: to relate to their D/s partner(s) as Dominance or submission dispensers.
One of the most valuable discussion formats I’ve come across was the one held at Timeless Desires (Bucephalus, Phedre and Lilith). In that format, the discussion alternated weekly between submissives and Dominants speaking, with the delightful twist that the other half of the polarity were encouraged to attend and listen, but were asked not to speak. I learned a lot in that format and felt a sense of commitment to mutual understanding from the discussion participants.
Perhaps segregated groups come out of the women’s movement, where segregation was (and often still is) a valid response to real-world inequities. However, submission and Dominance are not dependent on gender, and I would argue that we in D/s are already in the forefront of denying the artificial inequities of stereotype and prejudice. I am not saying that segregated groups are necessarily always a harmful thing, but I am saying that perhaps it behooves us to examine the premises behind their proliferation.
Meadow
Ryn’s kajira
The reasons for a sub-only group, as I understand it, include the idea that subs will not feel as safe or as comfortable with Dom/mes present. For support groups, there is also the rationale that a sub can talk about his/her relationship with his/her Dom/me without experiencing the Dominant perspective.
What does it mean, if subs in general don’t feel safe and comfortable with Dom/mes in general? And what does it mean if subs don’t find the Dominant perspective as valid as the submissive one?
The most disturbing, to me, implication of value in segregation - at least from a sub group perspective - is that there is a real power differential in everyday life between those who self-identify as submissive and those who self-identify as Dominant. Not just a consensual power differential in a person’s submitted relationship, but a social power differential within the community.
The other implication comes out of that premise: that there is enough cultural difference between the submissive experience and the Dominant experience that we can’t understand each other well. Related to that is the possibility that segregated events carry the risk of encouraging the tendency for people to relate to each other primarily as roles, rather than as people: to relate to their D/s partner(s) as Dominance or submission dispensers.
One of the most valuable discussion formats I’ve come across was the one held at Timeless Desires (Bucephalus, Phedre and Lilith). In that format, the discussion alternated weekly between submissives and Dominants speaking, with the delightful twist that the other half of the polarity were encouraged to attend and listen, but were asked not to speak. I learned a lot in that format and felt a sense of commitment to mutual understanding from the discussion participants.
Perhaps segregated groups come out of the women’s movement, where segregation was (and often still is) a valid response to real-world inequities. However, submission and Dominance are not dependent on gender, and I would argue that we in D/s are already in the forefront of denying the artificial inequities of stereotype and prejudice. I am not saying that segregated groups are necessarily always a harmful thing, but I am saying that perhaps it behooves us to examine the premises behind their proliferation.
Meadow
Ryn’s kajira
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