...there are no words for this....just....no...no words....
Friday, August 30, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
The end... being released from the path that we have been led.. (by estos)
I wondered how to describe this END.
Of course, this is not a humongus end. It's not as if Julala has been a pivotal part of my online existence.. but each time miss Demina mentioned the impending end... my heart contracted with a little sadness.
Or as Alan Watts might have said, a fork in the river - where I am looking at the waterfall - and have to just let the current take me....
But nevertheless I am sad.. and needed to say something. These are my words.
This is journey's end. All hail the path ahead
 |
| shock |
 |
| Depression |
 |
| Acceptance |
If you do need help dealing with the loss of someone very central to your life online or in Real Life, here is a great place to help: http://abandoned.eu/
 |
| Happiness is wearing the collar of the one who loves you |
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Purpose - Where I am Led (by Julala)
Purpose
From the earliest of times people have spent time questioning their own purpose and in D/s, purpose has several contexts that can be explored.
On a broad level we might consider the purpose of D/s as a relationship style or BDSM generally. Of course, what it provides for one person will be different from the next. Everyone's motivations, needs, wants, background, health, education, understanding, passions and beliefs will be met in different ways when they enter the realm of "deviance" ....or indeed exit it.
For some, including me, serving another provides me with a freedom that I never experienced before. A freedom that comes from within....ironically.
If you are in a D/s relationship (or looking to be in one), you'll be familiar with the Dominant and submissive each have their roles, their responsibilities and their purpose. Again these will always be different for each individual and each relationship. Never be fooled by the deluded premise that " a true submissive's (or slave's, or Master's or Dominant's) purpose is to [enter twaddle here]". Each person's purpose will be unique and individual to themselves, their partner(s) and their relationship(s).
When rules are set and tasks are set we often seek the purpose. I have heard at times (sadly) it said that a submissive or slave should not question the purpose but just accept and obey. In contrast (thankfully) there are also many that encourage reasoning and understanding and questioning (providing that it be done within the lines of expected protocols for such things within the relationship).
I remember when I met my Master for the first time in RL. He had set a rule that I would not be allowed to look Him in the eyes when we met. I tried very hard to obey it. But....it is actually very hard not to look at someone's eyes....in a world where it is common practice to look at someone when you talk to them...it was hard. It became even harder when we were in public...at dinner...oh my...it was such a hard thing to do.
I was starting to feel upset by it. Partly because I was failing and accidentally looking at Him and partly because I started to question why? Why would Master not wish me to look at His eyes? Does He not wish me to see them? As the day went on I found it increasingly difficult and more and more upsetting. I felt anxious about it - if I wasn't going to be allowed to see His eyes...how would I understand Him? How would I see His emotion? How would I tell if He was angry? or .....if He loved me?
I kept accidentally looking and He was warning me...I would be punished if I looked at His eyes. Still I looked....I really didn't mean to. Eventually of course, I received my first hard spanking as a result of my inability to follow the rule. Later, as I lay in His arms, I asked Him....."Sir, may I ask a question?" "Yes, you may" He replied, and I asked "Why do you not want me to see your eyes Sir?" He smiled "It isn't that I don't want you to see my eyes" He said "It is that I want you to obey me". "But it is really hard Sir, because I am so used to looking at people when they speak to me...I don't mean to disobey". He smiled again "I know how hard it is little girl, that is why I made the rule". The purpose of the task was the test. I smiled....I had misunderstood the purpose of the task...now I understood the purpose it wasn't upsetting at all. I was relieved.
For some, reflecting upon their own purpose in their relationship (or indeed life) gives them direction, motivation and a sense of achievement....importance....value. Similarly when one loses sight of purpose for whatever reason it can leave a person feeling devalued and demotivated.....a feeling of "what is the point?".
When a relationship ends we may find ourselves questioning "what was the point?". I have heard many friends over the years utter the words..."What a waste of time that was" or "I wasted all those years". Over the course of this series we have explored such concepts as learning and growth, experience and empowerment and during the discussions a general consensus of value has been attached to these things (among many more). If we accept that through each and every experience we will have learned and gained experience, knowledge and understanding.....then through each and every experience there must also be purpose. A reason. We might not always see it readily....sometimes it hides itself well among our grief or trauma and our many engulfing emotions. Perhaps if we look for the positive things we gained from each relationship it would be easier to accept the purpose of its existence....and its end.
On the other hand....what is so scary about there being no purpose? Maybe we look too much for purpose and reason and maybe....we were just supposed enjoy the ride.
This series of Monday discussions has been a wonderful journey....I have indeed enjoyed the ride. And this discussion, part 39, is the last in the series.
Please do come and share your thoughts on purpose today (Monday 5th August) at 12pm SLT at the Temple of Discussion on Respect sim. Discussion is voice led but text also very welcome. Everyone welcome.
From the earliest of times people have spent time questioning their own purpose and in D/s, purpose has several contexts that can be explored.
On a broad level we might consider the purpose of D/s as a relationship style or BDSM generally. Of course, what it provides for one person will be different from the next. Everyone's motivations, needs, wants, background, health, education, understanding, passions and beliefs will be met in different ways when they enter the realm of "deviance" ....or indeed exit it.
For some, including me, serving another provides me with a freedom that I never experienced before. A freedom that comes from within....ironically.
If you are in a D/s relationship (or looking to be in one), you'll be familiar with the Dominant and submissive each have their roles, their responsibilities and their purpose. Again these will always be different for each individual and each relationship. Never be fooled by the deluded premise that " a true submissive's (or slave's, or Master's or Dominant's) purpose is to [enter twaddle here]". Each person's purpose will be unique and individual to themselves, their partner(s) and their relationship(s).
When rules are set and tasks are set we often seek the purpose. I have heard at times (sadly) it said that a submissive or slave should not question the purpose but just accept and obey. In contrast (thankfully) there are also many that encourage reasoning and understanding and questioning (providing that it be done within the lines of expected protocols for such things within the relationship).
I remember when I met my Master for the first time in RL. He had set a rule that I would not be allowed to look Him in the eyes when we met. I tried very hard to obey it. But....it is actually very hard not to look at someone's eyes....in a world where it is common practice to look at someone when you talk to them...it was hard. It became even harder when we were in public...at dinner...oh my...it was such a hard thing to do.
I was starting to feel upset by it. Partly because I was failing and accidentally looking at Him and partly because I started to question why? Why would Master not wish me to look at His eyes? Does He not wish me to see them? As the day went on I found it increasingly difficult and more and more upsetting. I felt anxious about it - if I wasn't going to be allowed to see His eyes...how would I understand Him? How would I see His emotion? How would I tell if He was angry? or .....if He loved me?
I kept accidentally looking and He was warning me...I would be punished if I looked at His eyes. Still I looked....I really didn't mean to. Eventually of course, I received my first hard spanking as a result of my inability to follow the rule. Later, as I lay in His arms, I asked Him....."Sir, may I ask a question?" "Yes, you may" He replied, and I asked "Why do you not want me to see your eyes Sir?" He smiled "It isn't that I don't want you to see my eyes" He said "It is that I want you to obey me". "But it is really hard Sir, because I am so used to looking at people when they speak to me...I don't mean to disobey". He smiled again "I know how hard it is little girl, that is why I made the rule". The purpose of the task was the test. I smiled....I had misunderstood the purpose of the task...now I understood the purpose it wasn't upsetting at all. I was relieved.
For some, reflecting upon their own purpose in their relationship (or indeed life) gives them direction, motivation and a sense of achievement....importance....value. Similarly when one loses sight of purpose for whatever reason it can leave a person feeling devalued and demotivated.....a feeling of "what is the point?".
When a relationship ends we may find ourselves questioning "what was the point?". I have heard many friends over the years utter the words..."What a waste of time that was" or "I wasted all those years". Over the course of this series we have explored such concepts as learning and growth, experience and empowerment and during the discussions a general consensus of value has been attached to these things (among many more). If we accept that through each and every experience we will have learned and gained experience, knowledge and understanding.....then through each and every experience there must also be purpose. A reason. We might not always see it readily....sometimes it hides itself well among our grief or trauma and our many engulfing emotions. Perhaps if we look for the positive things we gained from each relationship it would be easier to accept the purpose of its existence....and its end.
On the other hand....what is so scary about there being no purpose? Maybe we look too much for purpose and reason and maybe....we were just supposed enjoy the ride.
This series of Monday discussions has been a wonderful journey....I have indeed enjoyed the ride. And this discussion, part 39, is the last in the series.
I was first given the workbook "Where I am Led" by Christina Parker as a task by my Master back in 2011. The first few weeks I spent reflecting upon the concepts - the guideposts - the assignments and the projects within it. It was a pleasure to spend the time in self-reflection and I learned much. When only about a third of the way through the workbook I started this discussion series at D/s academy and since then it has been quite a different experience. Yes, still time for self-reflection - but also the benefit of a wonderful array of experiences and thoughts and anecdotes and questions from YOU and that has made the journey so much more colourful and rich.
So I thank you all - everyone that has come along to any of these Monday discussions and made them as special as they have been.
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