Mentoring at the D/S Academy
The staff at the D/S Academy is pleased to announce a new service for the group members:
The D/S Academy Mentoring Program.
Scope of the program
The program is a voluntary add-on to the education within the classes, discussion groups and other social gatherings at the D/S Academy. It provides for a *long-term*, *trustful* and *mutually beneficial* mentoring relationship between the protegee (the person that seeks mentoring) and the mentor (the person providing mentoring) on all or just some aspects of BDSM within the setting of SL or RL.
What is "Mentoring" in the first place?
In some societies, even the word "Protege" has a somewhat bad connotation - a connotation that someone is being promoted beyond their capabilities due to a personal relationship with someone in a position of power. The mentoring we are envisioning here is something completely different.
Mentoring as we envision it here is first and foremost a vehicle for growth and development for the protege and to a much lesser degree for the mentor as well. The needs and requirements of the protege always come first in a Mentoring program. That is not to say that the mentor does not derive value out of mentoring, however - and this can not be overstated - the mentor's value in this program always take a backseat to the ones of the protege. Necessarily, some golden rules derive from this approach which will be discussed in a later section.
To frame the concept a little bit more: Formal Mentoring is widely used in the workplace (depending on which part of the world you call home) but is also found as informal mentoring in discussion groups, social gatherings, within the group of your friends. Whenever one discusses a question or issue with someone of authority (for a specific question or issue) that can be considered "mentoring".
What can a Protege expect from this program?
A protege can and should expect from this program a safe and beneficial environment for personal growth and development. And one could leave it at that, but here a few examples of possible elements of a mentoring program:
a) How to I balance my SL-life and RL-life? Can I transcend the borders between the two worlds somehow? Do I want to do that?
b) How do I become a better sub/dom/domme? What is the secret of emoting?
c) I feel a certain longing to become .., to develop myself further in ..
These subjects are just a non-exhaustive first shot at such a list, and they don't even have to be related to BDSM at all.
The mentoring program is always *driven* and *defined* in its scope by the Protege - never ever is it a curriculum or plan set by the Mentor. So even though the Protege derives the most value from this program it does place a very high burden on the protege to make the mentoring relationship a success. The Protege seeks out the Mentor, the Protege needs to be open and honest with the Mentor and the Protege chooses the discussion topics and growth areas.
And what is in it for the Mentor?
Well, this should not be the primary question for a Mentor. There is not really something that a Mentor should be "in for" except the satisfaction and personal development associated with sharing knowledge, providing guidance and follow the development of the Protege.
A word of caution may be in place here: In most circumstances, a Mentoring Relationship is *incompatible* with an active D/S relationship between the parties involved - just like most companies will not allow such setups within one's reporting line.
OK, I got it now - How does one go about too find a Mentor?
One of the most challenging questions - Ask yourself if there is anyone you know that has some gift, some insight or some information or manner that you would like to have for yourself. Ask yourself the question if there is someone you would like to ask for guidance. If there are candidates - go out and ask them. Describe, what you are looking for, what you want and need, what you expect from your Mentor. The prospective Mentor will need to asses she or he can provide what the Protege is looking for - and if the Mentor has the time and willingness to provide Mentoring at that level or subject.
Most of the time, your Mentor will happily agree to the arrangement, and be very honored by the request. At other times, the Mentor may already have Proteges and has no capacity to take on another Protege. This in no way reflects upon the Protege - sometimes it is purely the lack of resources (e.g. time) that is the reason for declining the request - and sometimes it may be that the Mentor can not provide what the Protege is looking for. Please do not be discouraged and look for another Mentor - there are a lot of very qualified and helpful members in this group that are happy to share their insight. The author of this text has spent months in securing his next mentor after he joined the team of his previous mentor and the wait was well worth it.
The start of a Mentoring Program is probably the most difficult stepping stone. And here the protege is in the driver's seat - the Protege needs to be very open and candid about the expectations, the play, the subjects at hand. The Protege defines the program and ultimately - the success or failure of the Mentoring Program. The Mentor and the Protege agree on the setup of the program (e.g. regular meetings, maybe reports, maybe even "shadowing" - the process of taking the Protege along to provide exposure) and the contents.
Some "semi-golden" rules
1. The Mentor is not always right
2. The Mentor is not always right
3. The Mentor is not always right
It can not be overstated that not everything a mentor says, or offers as advice or insight is cast in stone and an ultimate truth. A Mentor probably also is the Protege of someone else.. So please show common sense and reflect thoroughly on anything that comes from the Mentor - the Mentor does not lead your life - he is not responsible for it but *you* are.
4. Mentoring requires trust - Trust requires openness
No Mentoring has ever worked without the trust and a very high degree of openness between the parties involved. That should come as no surprise - but has a very obvious consequence: *What happens in the Mentoring stays between the Protege and the Mentor*. It seems apparent that any leak (e.g. unauthorized disclosure of what has been discussed) is a severe breach of that trust relationship that mares the Mentoring.
5. Mentoring changes over time - and Proteges also move on
Just like one changes teachers during its education depending on the level of knowledge and interest - so Mentoring relationships do change. If one wants to put it negatively, sometimes the Mentor can not provide further guidance, since the Protege may even have passed by in the development. Even though this may introduce friction, disappointment and a sense of loss it it inevitable and - from a personal viewpoint of the author - *a sign that the program has worked and is the ultimate reward for any Mentor*
Both the Mentor and the Protege have responsibility in such a situation - and the openness and trust mentioned earlier can be applied to manage that situation in a mutually beneficial way.
6. A Protege should *not* work for the Mentor (Or be attached to the Mentor in any other way)
A very touchy subject - but it has been proven that in a Mentoring situation where one is dependent on the Mentor openness and honesty go out the window. In any self-respecting Mentoring Program there are provisions that limit the choice of Proteges and Mentors to be outside the direct reporting line. Adapted to this program, it *should* be that case that there are no Top/Sub couples actively engaging in a Mentoring Relationship. So as a guidance (and it can only be a guidance, not a rule) Tops should mentor Tops, Subs should mentor Subs - not necessarily from the same sex (a different perspective may be very enlightening) though. Of course, during the Mentoring Relationship things between the Protege and the Mentor may change - and a previously "professional" relationship may lead to something else. That can happen and it should be obvious that both the Protege and the Mentor are responsible to deal with this situation - which may be that the Protege moves on. However, the Mentoring Program should not be mistaken for a harvesting or casting program for a Top's new Sub or Sub's new Top.
OK, now what? I want to become a Mentor
Mirjam Munro keeps a list of Mentors that are available - please contact her or Buck Markstein to be included on the list.
Sounds interesting - what does it cost?
First and foremost - your willingness to make it a success. It costs time, the effort to be open and honest and to work on the program regularly. Since Mentoring can be time-consuming a Mentor may ask for a token of appreciation *but this is completely between the Protege and the Mentor* The D/S Academy does not take a cut and is not involved in any exchange of money, gifts or whiplashes.
Any further question ?
You made it to the end of the rant - Congratulations. If you have further questions on the program, what to expect or how to make it work - please feel free to contact Mirjam Munro, Buck Markstein or any other listed Mentor.
No comments:
Post a Comment