We all fantasise about our BDSM relationships; how good the sex will be and how tightly we will control/or be controlled. Fantasies as we all know are more meaningful than dreams. Dreams are the subconscious (no pun intended) taking control, whereas with a fantasy we actively shape it and mould it to fit our desires. As such they are important indicators of what we really desire.
However the Real World has a nasty habit of getting in the way; there are kids or pets to feed, meals to cook, houses to clean and dishes to wash. Most of us have jobs and they have to take priority so how can we make things work. Also fantasies are what we wish and we have to be care not to make our reality seem like a fantasy as reality has that nasty habit of hitting us on the nose when we look away.
Imagine; a submissive wants to be caged all of the time. Well letting them out to exercise can easily be part of the fantasy as would toilet breaks. So how easy is it to be in a cage when friends or family come around? Well the cage does not have to be in the sitting room and if so perhaps all your friends and family are kinky so it does not matter. Also being caged in another room with the possibility of discovery may be the excitement of it. However how comfortable will you feel when your Dominant is in the next room? What if they become suddenly ill? A friend was caged once and nothing went wrong. However she did not find her fantasy as fun as she wished.
Spanking in public; is that a turn on or a turn-off for you? Well you may be breaking the law. Assault possibly but you would argue it was consensual. Non-consensual hand-holding is technically an assault in the UK. If your the bottom is bare you may be committing an act of indecency or the catch-all charge in Scotland ‘Breach of the peace’. Consensual behaviour is not a defence for this.
How about something harmless. Being led though the streets by a leash. It is probably not illegal. But we have to think how can cope with being seen and recognised. For some it could have career problems.
So the key issues are how much do we need our fantasies in BDSM and how far can we compromise them? Any thoughts or actual fantasies that you did in RL and what happened. You can tell us we won’t spread it around.......very far.
2 comments:
Our fantasies propel us, encourage us to try something new and different. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. As adults, we know if or when a fantasy crosses the line, and when we might dare it.
What you are saying is true, though. In the virtual world, we can engage in behavior we might not otherwise, and it's important to be wise enough to discern what should or should not be attempted in RL. Or, if the activity needs to be modified for RL.
In your cage example, perhaps the process of being caged pushes certain emotional buttons for the sub. Maybe it makes her feel safe and owned--controlled. In RL the same sensation could be achieved with tight corsets under clothes, chastity belts, or well-hidden rope wore in daily life. The cage could be for special occasions.
Most often, our fantasies are not based on an OBJECT (the cage) but an emotion. Define the emotion, and a suitable substitute can be found to satisfy it.
That being said, I have done things in RL that I did not think I would do--things I thought were only fantasies. They were wonderful activities that continue to entice Master and me.
I think you are right, fantasies are probably based on the emotion and not the object. In this way we can find alternative means to fufilll them.
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