Dignity - Where I am Led (by Julala)

Dignity

noun (plural dignities)

[mass noun]
1.  the state or quality of being worthy of honour or respect:

• [count noun] a high rank or position

2.  a composed or serious manner or style:

• a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect

For many in the "vanilla world" the concept of submitting to another....of being slave to another...to sit at a Man's feet (or woman), to be flogged or bound (despite it being through choice) is a surrendering of one's human dignity.  Those same people might also think that to strike a woman, or to expect to be served, to restrict pleasures and to enjoy the pain of others (even when consented and enjoyed by the the recipient) also bears the same lack of dignity.

Personally I put this down purely as a lack of understanding of the D/s lifestyle.  It is easy to see that an untrained eye will draw these superficial conclusions and bear a poor view of D/s and BDSM as a whole. 

However.....

Even when we (the D/s community) see through these superficial layers and recognise and embrace the dignity in submission, in Dominance, in the giving and receiving of pain, the giving of service.  Even within this understanding - we still see many different levels of dignity ....or lack thereof.

Like many other aspects of D/s that we have covered in this series of talks, I observe that many of its core values, or desirable qualities - weave symbiotically with those of simple and good humanity.  Whilst some will be heard to say "I am Dominant through and through" or "I am submissive right to the core of my being" - I might suggest that we are all....just "human".  These values [dignity, trust, honour, courage, etc] that we revere in D/s are those of any good "person".  Perhaps it is our D/s that merely helps us to achieve them.

I hear many lovely anecdotes and examples of how a D/s relationship has helped either or both parties to improve their self-confidence, their self-image, their self-repect and pride in themselves, their dignity.  How it has helped them become a balanced and healthy individual and beyond that in many ways.

Sadly all too often we also hear of both Dominants and submissives behaving in such a way as to reduce each other's, or their own, dignity.  Indeed some (even within our community) might even go as far as to say that a slave deserves no dignity.  We sometimes see Dominants work carefully to remove their submissive's dignity, their self-confidence and self-worth in an effort to retain greater control over them.  As I have said before - to me this type of behaviour has no place in D/s and is not Dominance or submission.  I do however accept that everyone has different definitions of what dignity is, what D/s is (or is not) and will have many differing opinions on where dignity lays within it.

Often I see behaviour on Fetlife, on Facebook, in Secondlife.....and yes, in real life too, that shows little dignity.  Squabbles, childish fights, rudeness, aggressiveness,  snarky comments, nasty retorts, attacks.  In my humble opinion little of this type of behaviour has dignity.  But also, I recognise that it also has little to do with D/s....and everything to do with simple human nature.

Enough of my rambling.

What are you thoughts and experiences on dignity and D/s?  Has a D/s relationship helped or hindered (grown or depleted) your own dignity?  What do YOU consider to be dignified and undignified within humanity and within D/s?

Please do join us on Monday (10th June) at 12pm SLT at the Temple of Discussion on Respect sim. Discussion is voice led but text also very welcome. Everyone welcome.

These Monday discussions are loosely using the service exploration workbook "Where I am Led" by Christina Parker as a point of reference. You do not need to have read or even seen the book to fully participate in the discussion.