This is a nice theoretical sort of question. We all know that when we are with someone our confidence soars and when we lose someone we suffer a drop. But a Dominant or a submissive are who they are and should not be dependent on an appendage for validation. At times it can be hard to feel that as we all need attention of someone else.
Alone, I may be lonely but I am every bit as real. For me in theses situations my strength comes to the top for all I have is me (and my close friends of course). Dominance or submission is being true to our natures. It needs no external validation. It enables us to speak our views and by this I do not mean by imposing them on others at all times but by expressing them in appropriate ways at the right time.
I will finish by telling you a true story of a vanilla event that happened today. It was our annual staff meeting which is the only chance that our staff get to all meet together. As an area manager I have to report on the work of my team. I would love to wear a suit but it sets the wrong tone in our service so I don’t which is a shame.
I don’t really like these reports and I had the whole morning to rehearse it and I thought about how I could spice it up. I was last to go. I stood up kicking my empty coffee cup across the floor with a clatter. A half pace to the left and my elbow bashed my line manager in the back of the head. What a start!
I got to the front and the only two parts of my mental rehearsal was that I stood up unlike the others and I moved around a restricted area as I made my points. I did not use technology; no Powerpoint. Just my notes and my voice. I was not responsible for the agenda of the meeting, nor the layout of the room but for 9 minutes I held that room. They did not know it but I was in full Dominant mode. I often give talks and often I see people following my words closely but today I was in the zone, I was the Dominant.
My point is once a Dom, always a Dom. That is even true when apologising or being lectured by a boss. Just because you have to ‘submit’ to authority at times does not stop one being a Dominant. The same is true of submissives, they are validated by their feelings and not by a Dominant.
4 comments:
Let me add another point. Perhaps someone in that room was also a Dom or a sub but they may not have seen me as a Dom this morning. It is just how I felt, real or not.
Having a sub or Dom validates only one thing: that you have a sub or Dom. It does not mean the sub will submit or that the Dom will Dominate. It does not demonstrate or negate the quality or ability of either party involved.
You are absolutely right: we are who we are whether in or out of collar; with leash in hand or an empty one. If our life is a mess outside of D/s, it will be a mess inside it as well. If we function well, live happily and take care of ourselves, we will do the same with a partner.
D/s does not create who we are, it only allows us to express ourselves.
A very good post, Sir. Thank you.
Thank you Dannah.
We are who we are because of who we are, not who we have or don't have. It is not the things that we write or claim but the totality of our actions across extended periods on time that show people our true selves.
Zano, I think you've addressed a central question, and well. Even outside the D/s context, it can be hard to feel and see oneself without external mirrors, and hard to feel confident in one's judgment and abilities without external validation. Yet we are ourselves first. Perhaps one of the gifts of not being in a relationship is that it forces us into relationship with ourselves.
And yes, your comment that "We are who we are because of who we are, not who we have or don't have" is very true.
And thanks for posting this from a Dominant perspective. There is a fair amount of community bandwidth on the need for submissives to be able to define ourselves, and the difficulty in doing that outside of a collar. There seems to be a community expectation that a sub will struggle with these questions. There is much less recognition, I think, that the issue goes both ways, and that a Dominant also may struggle when there's no one on the end of his or her leash.
Thanks again.
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