From the Oxford online dictionary:
disenfranchise
verb
[with object]
- deprive (someone) of the right to vote:the law disenfranchised some 3,000 voters on the basis of a residence qualification
- (as adjective disenfranchised) deprived of power; marginalized:a hard core of kids who are disenfranchised and don’t feel connected to the school
- deprive (someone) of a right or privilege:a measure that would disenfranchise people from access to legal advice
- archaic deprive (someone) of the rights and privileges of a free inhabitant of a borough, city, or country.
I have seen a number of behaviours among submissives that leads me to suspect we often see ourselves as disenfranchised. These behaviours are typical of oppressed groups, and echo those of women before and during the feminist movement. Some examples include Dom/me bashing and the proliferation of segregated “safe spaces” for submissives; more individual and subtle are the comments I have heard from submissives implying a dissatisfaction with the lack of perceived power to define the conditions of their relationships. Eg: “My Dom/me wants this, so I just have to learn to deal with it.”
(Note that I’m including both submissives and slaves here, I believe these thoughts apply equally to all s-types.)
With feminism those behaviours, regardless of their usefulness, were and are in response to real social disenfranchisement. Women still face gender-based social and financial limitations in most countries, as well as the internal struggles that come from being raised with those role expectations.
Submissives? Well, I gotta say that if submissives are REALLY disenfranchised in our deviant community, we’d better take a good hard look at what we in D/s are doing to each other.
And if we aren’t disenfranchised, what are the implications of acting like we are? There have been several famous experiments regarding stereotyping that showed that people really do live up to - or down to - the expectations of those around them.
If we as submissives depersonalize Dominants and speak badly about them as a class instead of dealing directly, as adults, with our Dominant adult partners as individuals, we say with our actions that we are disenfranchised in our relationships. If we, as submissives, require “safe space,” defined as Dominant-free, in order to speak our truths, we say with our actions that we are disenfranchised in our community. And if we really believe that we need to “learn to deal with” relationship terms that don’t work for us because our Dominant says so, we are disenfranchising ourselves to a degree that renders us unsafe to Dominate.
To me, power exchange is about meeting a deep need for a certain kind of charged intimacy. We talk about trust, and about caring for ourselves and each other in the context of this dynamic. There’s nothing caring about defining ourselves or each other as disenfranchised, and it makes us untrustworthy.
Most of my experiences have been in a male Dom/female sub context, and almost all of them have been on line. I would be really interested to know if these behaviours are different for male submissives, or for people in same-gender dynamics, or in real life. A question that occurs to me is: how much of what I’m seeing is an unfortunate overlay of “traditional” heterosexual gender roles on our D/s relationships?
These are my thoughts and opinions, shared in the hope that they will be interesting to others. I welcome responses, other perspectives and further thoughts, including those from folks who disagree with me.
Meadow Theas
2 comments:
Thank you Meadow for this. I can’t answer from a male submissive perspective. But I think you are right that this behaviour has more to do with traditional male/female roles. But D/s is capable of moving beyond the stereotypes. It has, but at the same time it reinvents in a new guise. We need to be watchful that we don’t fall into that trap.
For dominants this is an important issue. I don’t want a submissive who is afraid to challenge me. Afraid to ask questions. Challenging is seen as a negative behaviour and it can be if done disrespectfully. But I want an adult and empowered relationship with another adult.. I don’t want to be a dominant seeking a twisted advantage through abuse of the status given to him. I don’t want submissive scared to ask questions.
D/s can be more than a re-writing of traditional roles. In fact it has to be.
Wow...these last few posts on the blog are making me think....I'm beginning to think I've led a sheltered D/s lifestyle....and in many ways I suppose I have. I have had two D/s relationships that have given me many positive things. That isn't to say there have never been negative aspects and events...but perhaps I focus on the positive and less on the negative.
Perhaps this is the reason why I am often quite surprised when I hear that people in the community around me are experiencing things far from my own experiences (hmm....that thought alone is going to help me with my own discussion topic this week).
What I am trying to say in a long-winded rambling way....is that I had never, ever considered myself or "submissives" in general to be disenfranchised. I've never considered "sub safe" places to be the result of the need to defend from the evil Dominants...moreso a place for subs to reflect upon things with fellow subs and without any pressure. I've always seen it as a positive thing rather than a negative thing.
If anything I might accept that the D/s community as a whole is somewhat disenfranchised.....that is why we are considered an "alternative" lifestyle. Perhaps too, we could say that certain sectors within that community are also disenfrachised at times, for example Goreans, RPers, littles, etc.
But wait then....could we not just accept that we are a widely diverse community that at times can be defensive and intolerant of others....
oh..wait...that describes almost every community in humanity....
Getting nervous that I am missing the point of these posts entirely...but there we go...
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