A couple of years ago, I wondered whether, if I never thought about bondage again, I'd be OK with that.
The question was introduced to me by a therapist who I was seeing at the time. Bondage, apparently, was a paraphillia.
I looked it up:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia
To paraphrase; the jury is out, it's open to personal interpretation, but if consent is involved, it's not a paraphilia (please correct me if I've got this wrong :) ).
I'd gone to this particular therapist because my RL relationship had cracks - it wasn't quite as 'full' as we wanted. For me, it was because my partner wasn't into bondage - and that was a big part of who I had grown up to be. My reason for going to the therapist was to 'integrate' my bondage fantasies into my RL, so that my RL relationship wasn't seen to be 'missing' a part of me. My RL partner was also concerned that my bondage fantasies might turn into something more 'real'...
The idea that I had something that I needed 'curing' of was a big shock to the system.
My therapist suggested at the time that I abstain from bondage fantasies.
I was at that time up to my neck in a bondage Role Play at DeadEnd - Literally: Estos had been captured by some seriously sexy girls (exceptionally imaginative and gifted role players), and was being tortured in a basement dungeon. He'd been stripped and was on a 'milking machine' A man on a breast sucking machine? The mind boggles. It was the first time I'd been involved in a serious torture role play and it was fascinating that I was the victim as my male character - it was seriously challenging my imagination and my emotions. Was I fighting (like a Dom) or was I trying to engratiate myself (like a sub) - it was one of those stories that really captured the imagination and made me look deep within myself as I grappled with who I was.
So, in a way, not going back to that story would have got me off the hook. I'd not have to think again about what was the connection between pleasure and pain, I'd not have to wonder how having my nipples sucked by a machine felt, nor was I having to wonder if I liked it. But I was annoyed too. These were fellow people role playing with ME. They'd set up a story-line, kept up the narrative, checked me out OOC to make sure I was OK.
I was committed to the to therapeutic process. Who was I to argue? What did I know?
So I stopped playing in SL. For a while.
That was when my bondage fantasies really took off. All times of day, at home, at work, going to the supermarket... how much does an orange in the mouth stifle the sounds of a captured woman, dragged into the cold store, her business suit, silk blouse, offering her no protection against chilled, moisture laden air, tied up with nylon packing ties that cut into her delicate skin, calling out for someone to hear her, save her before she froze to death...
So, I wasn't playing in SL, but I was still fantasizing. OMG I was in serious trouble! This thing, this appendage, this un-normal, almost clinically defined behaviour had continued, got worse, since I was told to concentrate on RL, forget this distraction.
But I listened to my self. I reflected, and I started asking questions. Was this really something that I should find a cure for?
-- Answers?
3 comments:
I have to say that I am somewhat shocked by the thought of D/s, BDSM, etc being described as a "disorder" in any context really if, as it should be, all parties are safe, sane and consensual.
Although I have been in D/s relationships for a relatively short time (3 years), I have been around life-stylers and fetishists for many years and in all that time I don't think it has ever been discussed that this could be a disorder that needs "curing" *shudder* - I really thought that the "non-acceptance" of such behaviours was purely down to society's general closed-mindedness to those that are "different". So as I read your post and the related info regarding paraphilias I was actually quite disturbed. "Are we still living in the dark ages?" comes to my mind. "Quick.....bring a leach....this person is a bit different".
Upon reflection - perhaps I am not so surprised - and perhaps it wasn't so long ago that people were segregated because of the colour of their skin, "treated" for being gay, and re-trained to use their right hand to write with. And lets face it we, as humans, still feel the need to kill each other for believing in a different God. *sighs*
Perhaps then, I am less so surprised and moreso disappointed that in this day and age humans remain so intolerant of each other and ignorant of the vast variety of needs of the species.
In answer to your question...I would offer an answer of no, embrace and explore your fantasies and don't be deterred or made ashamed by those that do not embrace theirs.
subnote: (lol...subnote) - I wonder if the fact that I haven't heard this discussed before much (certainly in RL) is down to geography - I am in Europe - does that make a difference?
Hi Julala,
thanks for your response. Yes, my understanding is that my therapist was wrong to introduce the term paraphilia into my sessions, as there was nothing unconsentual about my play - either in the fantasies in my head, or in SL.
However, baring in mind what you said about the general improvement in 'understanding' in the general population, that a therapist would take this view is saddening.
Finally, I live in the UK, so for me, it's interesting to here the feedback from someone in Europe - most of the people in D/s Academy are from the states - which is slightly less useful.
I haven't finished yet - more questions to come!
*giggles* I am in the UK too *whispers* i think we are still part of Europe ;op
(but slightly worrying that you had this experience here - perhaps it is different on "the continent")
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